Tag Archive | Women

Are You with A Narcissist?

We all know at least one. Maybe we dated them. Or perhaps they just happen to be family or friends. Either way, its sometimes hard to walk away at the first red flags. And there are a lot of them. Let’s look at a few shall we?

  1. He is a Liar. And I do not just mean the occasional lie. He lies a lot, about everything. Big things, little things, stupid things. It is almost like he has no idea how to do anything but lie! I distinctly recall dating a guy who I had dead to rights on a simple question I asked him about something I found at his place. He lied through his teeth while looking me directly in the eye and gave me BS details to elaborate his story. How did I know he was lying? I found the receipt as well but didn’t bother to tell him that part before asking the question. Never even saw the point in telling him that I knew he was lying either. What would be the point? To hear more lies?
  2. He Loves Himself. Now don’t get me wrong, self-love is important. But a narcissist loves himself more than he could ever love you. He may tell you he loves you, but his actions do not reflect what his mouth is saying. Saying it and showing it are two vastly different things.
  3. Controlling. The narcissist needs to feel in control of everything about you; from the way you look to the way you speak. He needs to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. When the man you are with starts wanting to change everything about you, be concerned. Several years ago, I was with someone that liked to tell me how long my dresses needed to be, how my hair should be styled and didn’t like me wearing makeup. So, I changed all those things. Once I was out of that situation, my family was ecstatic to see the real me come back out of the shell I had retreated to.
  4. Table Turner. You know the type. They can do something to hurt you, yet when you confront them, they completely turn it back around on you. Let me give you an example, let’s say you find clear evidence he is cheating on you. Instead of apologizing or admitting any wrongdoing, he starts to get upset with you for some insecurities on your part or accuses you of snooping to find this out in the first place. Really? That’s what we are going to focus on?
  5. What he wants is always more important. For the narcissist, what he wants always takes precedence in any situation. And I don’t just mean in little things like where you should go for dinner. I’m talking about the big things as well. Let’s say you live in a state you love, but he decides its time to move somewhere else. With no discussion as a team, he just makes a decision. When he presents it to you, its more of a take it or leave it option. Either way, he is moving. Take a moment to evaluate, is everything always about what he wants or needs? That should concern you. Relationships are give and take. Not take and take.

Your Strong Friend

Sometimes even the strongest women need someone else to be strong for them. The woman that always seems to be able to handle everything, is not handling as much as you think. When you envy the woman that seems to achieve so much more than you do, take a moment to see past the veil.

Some of us are simply better at appearing to have it all together than others. You have no idea how many emotional breakdowns she has behind closed doors. How often she may feel completely overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and deadlines on her plate.

You may be looking up to her while she is secretly putting herself down and fighting her own insecurities and doubts. What you see as great or amazing, she may see as her failure that day, week or month. You know her. She is the strong friend, the one that is always there for everyone. But rarely asks anyone else for help or just a shoulder to cry on.

We spend so much time as women competing instead of supporting one another. Do your girlfriends know what they mean to you? Do they know that you would be there for them if they ever need someone to talk to?

When people are gone, we cover their social media sites with all the love and adoration we have for them. Let them know how you feel now. What is that old saying? Give them their flowers while they can still smell them. Stop taking each day for granted and let the people close to you, know what they mean to you.

Who Are You?

How often do you really take time to self-reflect and figure out who you really are and what you really want out of this life? We all do those mirror checks where we critique the outside and find all our perceived flaws, but what about the inside? Who we thought we were or what we thought we wanted changes overtime, as we age, gain experience and go through life’s ups and downs.

I am pushing 50 sooner than I would like, and my body aches remind me at every opportunity. However, so many people tell me that by the time you do get to 50 you really know yourself and the opinions of other people just do not matter as much. Hopefully, that is true. To help that along, I have taken to meditating a lot, practicing beginners’ yoga and leaning into manifestation more than ever before. My goal right now is to really listen to my inner voice more, learn what I want and stop leaning towards what everyone else wants more than my own needs. As women, we tend to do that more often than we should.

What we wanted and who we were in our young adulthood may have drastically changed over time, I know I have. The super shy, insecure girl is still there inside, but now she has so much life experience that she has evolved into several shades of her former self. Being in tune with those changes will help guide me on the right path for my future.

Today I challenge you to just take some time, despite your crazy schedule, and just look inside. Start assessing who the woman you are today is and what you want out of this crazy thing called life.

Woman Meditating, Relaxing In Yoga Pose At Sunset, Zen Meditatio

Not Everyone Is Your Friend

Friends Chilling Out Enjoying Meal In Restaurant. Group Of Happy

How many people have ended a relationship or a marriage and lost friends in the process? Trust me, you are not alone. We have all been there. Some people do not bother to hear both sides of a situation before choosing sides and that is unfortunate. I guess some people do not take into account that one person could very well be embellishing or out and out lying to make themselves look more like the victim than the villain they may have really been.

Now you have a situation where friends choose to believe and cling to one while dismissing the other. Like all the time you spent with them, the laughter, tears and support of each other through the years just went out the window. Sometimes we must acknowledge that some people were just meant for a season of our lives, not the entirety of it. And as hard as it is to hear, some people were acquaintances, not friends.

My theory is always this, if the friendship really meant a lot to you. Make an honest effort to share your feelings with that person. But I wouldn’t beg them to believe me or my side of the story.  Some friendships are worth putting in the effort, some or not. Because sometimes, instead of fighting you can just chalk it up as a lesson learned. Now you know that person is only a friend in the sunshine, but not good for the storms of your life. Straighten your crown and keep moving forward like the Queen you are.

Have you ever ghosted a friend simply based on what their ex said about them? Without even hearing their side. Perhaps now is a good time to reach out, apologize and be a real friend. Before its too late, tomorrow is not promised.

How Are You?

Nervous African Woman Breathing Calming Down Trying To Relieve S

There is too much going on right now, we all know that. First, we were all quarantined in our homes for what seemed like forever. Then we were running around wearing masks and using hand sanitizer like lotion every five seconds. Of course, we are still juggling jobs, family and friend commitments as well. During it all we were suddenly fighting a Black Lives Movement with renewed vigor.

Now do not get me wrong, most of us have always been fighting racism in some form or fashion, from the moment we were born. For some reason now, it seems like everyone else sees what we have been trying to tell them our entire lives. But I digress.

In the middle of all this, I hope you are taking time to breathe. Yes, everything is important and needs our attention. But let us be honest, things pretty much always need our attention! With so much going on it is crucial that you are taking care of you. If you need to take a step back from the cause for a moment and focus on your emotional well-being, so be it. We get so caught up in trying to be everything for everyone that we sometimes forget our needs. Burning yourself out will solve nothing. Get the rest you need. Drink your water. Make sure you are handling your stress in healthy ways. Get some type of exercise. And just take a moment, to just be.

Drop a note and let me know what you are doing to take care of yourself right now. And don’t forget to follow me so that you get updates on new content immediately!

Fly!

It’s been one of those days. First, I did a thing. Then I started to let doubt and fear convince me it was a mistake and not the best idea. Not to mention all the hurdles and roadblocks along the way. I guess I’m rambling, so let’s back up a bit, shall we?

For some time now I have been overthinking the idea of starting a podcast. Some days the idea is strong and exciting, others I’m standing at the ledge without a parachute. Finally, I decide it’s now or nothing, there is too much that can happen if we keep putting off the things we want to do waiting for the perfect timing, perfect setup or just another perfect excuse to wait.

I researched all the things I would need for setup, picked a host, designed my graphics and made a trailer. Then the hard part, pushing the button. Of course, just as predicted that is when the roadblocks really came in. First, I had to try to figure out what I wanted to talk about for the first one and how I wanted it to flow. Then I sat down with the microphone and headphones and could not hear myself for anything. Tried test after test and my voice was just not coming through. I then tried logging into all the extremely complicated instruments my husband has in the home office. (He will swear its not complicated at all. Whatever!) Now I can’t figure out how to make it record in that system. Turns out I didn’t even have that mic turned on properly. Like I said complicated!

In the end, I ended up sitting in my bedroom closet with my phone and matching headphones. That’s right, my first ever podcast was recorded in the dang closet. But it was that or nothing. After going back and forth with the other systems the doubt was back. Who did I think I was to try to this? What authority, recognition or influence did I really have? Who is even going to listen? Since quitting was not an option, the closet it was.

Of course, once I was really done, I wanted feedback. You know how we ask for something we don’t really want?? Besides, those nerves were setting in again. My husband has decades of experience in radio so who better? He gave me the feedback that I asked for and I was ready to scrap the whole thing. Do it again. Start over. Try it on a different day maybe. But after thinking about it, I decided to push forward. It was my first time, its not going to be perfect. And honestly, I didn’t want to give myself yet another excuse to wait until tomorrow, next week or maybe never. As time goes on, I will get better and better, but my first time out of the gate I’m not going to sound like a master.

How often do we do this to ourselves and why? We start convincing ourselves that what we have to say wont matter. The sad truth is, it wont matter. Not if we don’t push ourselves out of those cocoons of self-doubt and do the things, all the things! Yep we might fail. We might fail massively. Or we might just spread our wings and fly.

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Comparison is a Waste of Time

Upset woman ignoring affectionate couple in pub

You would be surprised how many times a month someone makes a comment about how great my marriage is or how its ‘couple goals’. While I appreciate the sentiment, it’s not actual life. No relationship is perfect, despite what social media may display. We may not fight but trust me we do get on each other’s nerves on occasion. He leaves lights on in EVERY SINGLE ROOM, I like to put my cold hands on him to warm them up. You know, typical stuff.

My point is, stop comparing your life or your relationships to people you view on social media, in magazines or on television. You do realize they are all only showing you the parts they want you to see right? Well except the people with the vague comments and posts that they hope their significant other sees that lets everyone else but them know there is a problem. But I digress. There are people who waste time comparing themselves to others they don’t even know instead of enjoying what they have right in front of them!

Since we are on the subject, let’s talk about the single people as well. A lot of single people watch couples on social media and let it make them feel less than. Why? Just because someone has a significant other does not mean they are happy with that person or their lives. So many of us wasted so much time wishing and searching for a man that we missed out on a lot of life.

How many times have you passed on an invitation to go somewhere or try something new just because you didn’t have a date? Forget that! You are missing out on so many experiences and memories to be made.

I personally recall avoiding several events back in the day because I didn’t want to feel out of place attending alone. You know what ends up happening? People finally stop inviting you or you look back and realize all the things you missed out on experiencing. Life is not meant to be put on hold until you are part of a couple. The more life you live as a single person, the more well rounded you will be when

Independent Women Too Intimidating?

Independent women are too intimidating, they will never find a man. Who started this anyway? A man who was too afraid to deal with a strong, independent woman probably. We have been hearing this nonsense for ages. Yet strong, driven women continue to date, get engaged and marry men who deal with them just fine.

We must stop letting this nonsense make us try to make ourselves smaller, make us try to dull our shine. We were meant to stand out and make amazing impact on this world – any man that tries to make us feel otherwise is not the man we should be with anyway.

The right man will see your brilliance and do everything possible to support and encourage your continued elevation. Find that man and ignore the rest. A man that makes you feel you should be ashamed of wanting to constantly evolve would not survive the trip anyway!

Young Beautiful Lady Run On Sea Or Ocean Beach In Water Splash.

Not Everyone Will Support Your Next Level!

You are finally making all the changes you have talked about forever. Instead of just talking the talk, you are walking the walk. The weird thing is, not everyone seems to be happy for you. Sometimes you would be surprised who supports you evolving and who may try to ambush your forward motion. If you are feeling the backlash of your attempts to move to the next level, here are a few steps to help you out.

• Know when it’s time to let go. For some people, change is quite simply overrated. They are much more content staying in the same place with as little change to life as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes that person also feels threatened by your need to change. If you have already tried talking to someone to explain what your changes mean to you and requested their support to no avail, it may simply be time to accept they will never be there in the capacity you hoped for and let go.

• Negative Energy is just a waste of time and energy. You know the people I mean, they never seem to be happy about anything, anywhere, anytime. Ever. If you know someone is always super negative, you may want to try to limit some of your interactions with them to shorter time spans whenever possible. Sometimes there are people you simply can’t eliminate entirely because you work with them or perhaps they are family. But you can certainly try to keep your interactions to a minimum whenever possible. All that negative energy takes a toll and limits your energy which in turn impacts your progress in the things you are trying to do.

• Love from a distance. Some people mean well, they really do. But they don’t always understand that putting down your efforts to change or constantly trying to question why is not supportive. In their minds they may really think holding you back is in your best interest. While you may love your Aunt Jane, her constant attempts to convince you that women belong at home in the kitchen can become annoying. Loving someone does not mean you need to do so up close and personal on a regular basis. If you need to pull back for your own sanity, do so.

• Seasons change. We have all heard the sayings about people being in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. As much as it may hurt, sometimes we just must accept that someone’s season is over. Let me give you an example, one friend I met a long time ago during a very dark period in my life seemed great, until I started to move on and make changes to get out of that darkness. Finally, I had to accept that she preferred me down or depressed because that’s how she always was. My changes were like a threat to the friendship, as they say negativity breeds negativity.

How do you typically handle people who don’t support your attempts to improve or get better? Have you ever let it make you give up entirely?

Take a Rest Recreation Carefree Concept

Stop with the Negativity!

 

Some conversations drain you. Let’s just be honest, some people drain you. The negative, angry with the world thing can be too much and zap all your energy out. Recently after looking forward to an event, I lost all excitement in less than an hour, I kid you not. It was a barrage of one person after another complaining about everything. Like aren’t you happy about anything in your life?? Anything?

 

The thing some of us try to avoid is simply cutting people or situations out of our lives. But sometimes, it’s just what is best for us and our wellbeing. Now obviously there are some people and situations you must deal with, but you can definitely try to limit the time required to a minimum.

 

Now be really honest with yourself, are you the negative one in your group? The person who is never happy about anything? You may be and not even realize it. Think about your recent interactions with other people and the things you contributed to the conversation. Was any of it positive and upbeat? Or looking back did it just seem like frustration and complaints about everything?

 

Even if you are the culprit, you can change that. Starting now. Start looking at the things in your life that you have gratitude about. I don’t care how small it may seem. Feeling frustrated about someone giving you attitude at work? Remember you have a job while others are trying hard to find one. Annoyed your husband left the bathroom in disarray yet again? There are widows and divorcees wishing for those moments again. You get the idea. For every negative thought, try to find a positive – even if its just the cup of coffee you are going to go have while you reset your thoughts!

 

What steps can you do today to make sure you are not the person others dread interacting with?

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