Tag Archive | Relationships

Independent Women Too Intimidating?

Independent women are too intimidating, they will never find a man. Who started this anyway? A man who was too afraid to deal with a strong, independent woman probably. We have been hearing this nonsense for ages. Yet strong, driven women continue to date, get engaged and marry men who deal with them just fine.

We must stop letting this nonsense make us try to make ourselves smaller, make us try to dull our shine. We were meant to stand out and make amazing impact on this world – any man that tries to make us feel otherwise is not the man we should be with anyway.

The right man will see your brilliance and do everything possible to support and encourage your continued elevation. Find that man and ignore the rest. A man that makes you feel you should be ashamed of wanting to constantly evolve would not survive the trip anyway!

Young Beautiful Lady Run On Sea Or Ocean Beach In Water Splash.

The Royal Wedding

LOS ANGELES - JAN 19:  Meghan Markle at the NBC TCA Winter 2014

As the Royal Wedding draws near, there is a lot of media frenzy around the bride’s estranged family. Although it has been noted in several venues that Meghan has not spoken to several of the relatives on her fathers side in several years, much less spent any time with them, they keep speaking out. Of course, all the interviews and social media outreach they have done has been negative and disparaging against Meghan.

Now the question is, what could they possibly have to say, what insight could they possibly really give about someone that they have not spoken to or seen in years?? Of course, in this instance it really could just be people trying very hard to get their 15 minutes of fame. Or perhaps there is simply some jealousy there, because why should she have all this attention and fame? How dare she? What makes her so special?

Perhaps what they really need to realize and accept is Meghan put in the work to take her career exactly where she wanted to go prior to any relationship. There is no reason her extended family could not buckle down and pursue their own goals if they wanted to reach accomplishments in their field. As far as her relationship, she met someone and fell in love. Should she feel guilty because of his status or because of who he is? Should she not marry him and forgo happiness just to make them feel better about themselves? Of course not.

At the same time, they are trying really hard to make her look like a villain for not inviting them to her wedding. But let’s get real. Why on earth would you want people at your wedding that you have not spoken to in years, have no real relationship with and who drags your name through the mud at the first chance they get??

While most of us are not celebrities having weddings of this stature, the same principle applies to us. Your wedding is meant to be a special day for you and your significant other to celebrate your love and commitment with the people closest to you in life. You should not have to feel obligated to invite people simply to avoid them saying negative things about you or to appease what people think. What experience have you had with your wedding or those of others that included negative antics from family? How was it handled? Do you have any advice for Meghan as she launches into the next phase of her life as a new bride?

YoungBoy

Ok I admit, I didn’t even know who YoungBoy was prior to all the shenanigans when the story broke about his girlfriend. If you have been missing out on your social media updates, the feeds were full of updates regarding him allegedly forcing his girlfriend to sleep in a hotel lobby while he entertained other women in his hotel room. Of course, someone took pictures of her and posted them online, but she further fueled the fire by making videos trying to say everyone was blowing it out of proportion. Later more photos surfaced of him taking her shopping to make it up to her.

Everyone is in a tizzy about this, but lets look at it realistically.

• First, she is only 17 so perhaps she just does not have the maturity yet to fully know her worth. Let’s be honest, there are grown women who have accepted some of the same treatment if not more for years.

• We are not in their relationship, perhaps they had a clear understanding from the very beginning that there would be some type of open door policy.

• In her mind, this may be all she thinks she deserves. Or worse, she may see it as a sign of someone who really loves her.

Now on some grown woman ish, lets be brutally honest. How many of us know grown women who accept being disrespected on the regular?? This is not some weird thing that only happens when a man is a celebrity. We have all been there – perhaps not to this degree – but we were probably fortunate enough to have friends, family or dang strangers ready to shake some sense into us.

In that light, perhaps instead of bashing her, we should pray for her. Hopefully someone close to her can be there for her when she really concludes she deserves better. But as women, we have got to stop bashing and start supporting and guiding the younger generation into the type of women they truly have the capability to be.

Putting Aside the Fear

There is just something about starting over that can scare the living daylights out of you sometimes. Each and every time a relationship ends I have a tendency of questioning myself and trying to figure out where I went wrong. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? In the end I start to worry that I will never find the right guy. For a brief moment I always question why I keep trying and I debate giving up.

Of course time passes, I meet someone and I decide to try again. The problem is that each and every time that happens there is this split between enjoying what is happening and being afraid of opening up and possibly getting hurt again. One minute I can be sincerely enjoying the experience from getting to know someone to potentially falling in love and all the steps in between.

That fear normally ends up taking over and impacting things to some degree. The problem with letting the fear take up too much of your mind space is that it causes things like insecurities, mistrust and unnecessary arguments. Because you are afraid of being hurt, you have a tendency to put that type of negativity out there. Everything suddenly becomes assumptions of someone doing you wrong eventually. Cheating on you, lying to you or just plain leaving you.

The problem with that type of fear and negative thinking is that you are putting out into the universe the exact opposite of the outcome you really desire. Not to mention the potential chance you take of pushing someone away with all your expectations of things not working out. So here is to taking a chance, opening myself up and letting go of the fear and negative thinking. I may get hurt, I may not. But if I do, I already know I’m perfectly capable of surviving and moving forward. On the other hand, it could just be the best decision I ever made.

                                               

Selling Yourself Short

How many times do you start the conversation off by putting yourself down? Telling someone new everything that you perceive to be wrong with you? Or perhaps you spend a lot of time explaining what went wrong in all your past relationships. Either way, it’s a bad start. The idea of dating, whether you like it or not, is about selling yourself. Showing someone how great you are and why they should be dying to get to know more about you. Wasting a lot of time degrading yourself completely defeats the ultimate goal. Don’t ever sell yourself short. If you have things about yourself that you don’t like, fix it! But don’t dwell on it or let it keep you from enjoying life!

Give Your Ex a Thank You!

You read it correctly, I really asked you to tell your ex Thank You. Call them up, send them a text, drop an email, thank them for treating you poorly, cheating, not being honest etc. Sound crazy? Not really. Think about it, you went through hell with that person, perhaps you dated a woman who never had time for you, preferred hanging in the club to taking care of her man. Or perhaps you are a woman who had to deal with someone who wanted to hang with his boys or lay on your couch all day, failing to give you the time or attention you needed. Thank them anyway.

Thank them for teaching you what you will not allow, for teaching you how you want and deserve to be treated. Of course the key is that you have learned from the experience and you are making changes in the type of people you allow in your life next time. Besides, having experienced someone who treats you poorly will increase your appreciation for someone who treats you well and prevent you from taking them for granted.

Stop comparing him to Your Ex

He was absolutely perfect. He did everything right, no flaws and no imperfections. Romantic, honest, passionate…..the total package. Then why is he your ex?

Sometimes as women we have a tendency to change the past in our minds. Improving on the good memories and completely forgetting the bad. By the time we are done we have put that man on a pedestal, making him into something no other man can compete with.

Now every man you meet fails to meet these fantasy expectations of a past you have embellished so much that even you have trouble remembering what’s real. A reality that is not fair to you or the new man in your life. Just like we say a good man should not have to pay for the mistakes of a bad man, a new man should not have to compete against someone else.

If you are constantly comparing, perhaps you are not as ready as you think to date. Take some time to figure out what you need and want. Take things slowly. The first step, is dealing with the past. Take a good hard look at what really happened. Knock that pedestal over. If he had been Mr. Perfect, he would still be with you. But for some reason he is not, which means he is either not perfect for you or not perfect for you right now. Either way, you have to move on and live your life. Don’t let your past hinder the possibility of meeting someone that really is meant to be your future.