I know, I know, not my usual content. But I watched a reality show recently (big surprise) where something piqued my interest. Not a big surprise for me, I know. 

The spouse had done something for the wife to help her out, basically handling a situation for her with her mother. Afterwards he made a comment asking if what he did was worth sex. She pretty much blew off the comment and told him to go to his office.

Since that time, I have seen a lot of banter on social media in multiple groups. Some people felt blowing off his comment was the same as basically pushing him to cheat. The general thought being if he is asking and you say no you are literally telling him to go somewhere else. Especially since there have been allegations in the past of him stepping out.

But let’s look at this. Are we really saying that women can never say no to a man or he will cheat? Is that really what we want to teach our daughters? You must always do what he wants when he wants, or else? There are going to be times when we are tired or just not in the mood. The response is not retaliation by cheating, its contribution. What do I mean by that? Well, if she is tired, have you considered what she does in a day and thought of ways to help out? Perhaps handling the kids for a while so she can have a break or handling some of her tasks to free her up a bit. If she is not in the mood, have you considered your approach? Are you romancing her, seducing her or just groping and trying to pounce? Most of us, take a little time to warm up. Think preheating an oven instead of the zap of a microwave.

Beyond that, it is definitely not an excuse to cheat. At any time one spouse is unhappy, the key is to communicate the concerns. The response is not to just ignore your vows and do whatever or whoever you want. Because let’s be honest, as a man, you would have a fit if she did the same!

We all know at least one. Maybe we dated them. Or perhaps they just happen to be family or friends. Either way, its sometimes hard to walk away at the first red flags. And there are a lot of them. Let’s look at a few shall we?

  1. He is a Liar. And I do not just mean the occasional lie. He lies a lot, about everything. Big things, little things, stupid things. It is almost like he has no idea how to do anything but lie! I distinctly recall dating a guy who I had dead to rights on a simple question I asked him about something I found at his place. He lied through his teeth while looking me directly in the eye and gave me BS details to elaborate his story. How did I know he was lying? I found the receipt as well but didn’t bother to tell him that part before asking the question. Never even saw the point in telling him that I knew he was lying either. What would be the point? To hear more lies?
  2. He Loves Himself. Now don’t get me wrong, self-love is important. But a narcissist loves himself more than he could ever love you. He may tell you he loves you, but his actions do not reflect what his mouth is saying. Saying it and showing it are two vastly different things.
  3. Controlling. The narcissist needs to feel in control of everything about you; from the way you look to the way you speak. He needs to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. When the man you are with starts wanting to change everything about you, be concerned. Several years ago, I was with someone that liked to tell me how long my dresses needed to be, how my hair should be styled and didn’t like me wearing makeup. So, I changed all those things. Once I was out of that situation, my family was ecstatic to see the real me come back out of the shell I had retreated to.
  4. Table Turner. You know the type. They can do something to hurt you, yet when you confront them, they completely turn it back around on you. Let me give you an example, let’s say you find clear evidence he is cheating on you. Instead of apologizing or admitting any wrongdoing, he starts to get upset with you for some insecurities on your part or accuses you of snooping to find this out in the first place. Really? That’s what we are going to focus on?
  5. What he wants is always more important. For the narcissist, what he wants always takes precedence in any situation. And I don’t just mean in little things like where you should go for dinner. I’m talking about the big things as well. Let’s say you live in a state you love, but he decides its time to move somewhere else. With no discussion as a team, he just makes a decision. When he presents it to you, its more of a take it or leave it option. Either way, he is moving. Take a moment to evaluate, is everything always about what he wants or needs? That should concern you. Relationships are give and take. Not take and take.

When it comes to your relationship, you may be happy and perhaps even still in that honeymoon phase. But what if that changes tomorrow? For whatever reason, your significant other may blindside you out of nowhere and decide they want out. Are you prepared?

Truth be told, as women, we sometimes expect happily ever after to be just like the fairy tales we read growing up. You know, really be happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s just not always reality. So, let’s take a moment and really think about it.

Emotionally

Are your friends still your friends, or have you gotten so caught up in the we that you forgot about the me? When was the last time you hung out with your girlfriends or lost track of time on the phone? Most of them were there before you met him so why have you stopped keeping them high on your priority list as well? Keep in mind, if your relationship ends tomorrow, these are the same people that you will need to cry, vent or drink with!

Have you maintained your interests? You know the things you were passionate about. Your dreams, hobbies and career goals. Just because you became a couple does not mean who you are must be completely given up. Do you think men give up all their interests just because of you? Then why do we? Its mostly just something engrained in us from childhood that makes us want to make our lives 100% about someone else. But what ends up happening is that we then start looking at someone else to make us happy and that’s just not their responsibility.

Financially

If only I had a dime for every time a woman stayed with a man simply because she didn’t feel she could survive on her own. Well what if you don’t have a choice? What if he just leaves? Are you going to be ok? If you know you won’t be, do something about it now. Find a supplemental income or change careers if you need to. If things end unexpectedly you do not want to stress about how you will manage on top of being an emotional basket case.

Physically

Why is it when a man leaves, we go through this sudden need to completely revamp ourselves? Suddenly we lose weight, change our hair or our clothing in effort to show him what he’s missing. While that’s all fine and good, why can’t we that now? Don’t be complacent in how you take care of yourself or maintain your confidence, only to have to get it all body slammed later. Whether in a relationship or out, always make sure you are doing the work to maintain your confidence at its highest level. And no, I’m not saying everyone has to lose weight to do that. Some women are happy in the skin they are in. But if that’s not you, let’s put in the work now.

I guess my point is this. If you are suddenly blind sided by a relationship ending. I want you to be prepared and able to dust your self off and tell him to keep stepping. Yes, it will be an emotional roller coaster for you, we have all been there at some point. But make sure you have what it takes to handle your life just find when the dust settles.

Friends Chilling Out Enjoying Meal In Restaurant. Group Of Happy

How many people have ended a relationship or a marriage and lost friends in the process? Trust me, you are not alone. We have all been there. Some people do not bother to hear both sides of a situation before choosing sides and that is unfortunate. I guess some people do not take into account that one person could very well be embellishing or out and out lying to make themselves look more like the victim than the villain they may have really been.

Now you have a situation where friends choose to believe and cling to one while dismissing the other. Like all the time you spent with them, the laughter, tears and support of each other through the years just went out the window. Sometimes we must acknowledge that some people were just meant for a season of our lives, not the entirety of it. And as hard as it is to hear, some people were acquaintances, not friends.

My theory is always this, if the friendship really meant a lot to you. Make an honest effort to share your feelings with that person. But I wouldn’t beg them to believe me or my side of the story.  Some friendships are worth putting in the effort, some or not. Because sometimes, instead of fighting you can just chalk it up as a lesson learned. Now you know that person is only a friend in the sunshine, but not good for the storms of your life. Straighten your crown and keep moving forward like the Queen you are.

Have you ever ghosted a friend simply based on what their ex said about them? Without even hearing their side. Perhaps now is a good time to reach out, apologize and be a real friend. Before its too late, tomorrow is not promised.

Upset woman ignoring affectionate couple in pub

You would be surprised how many times a month someone makes a comment about how great my marriage is or how its ‘couple goals’. While I appreciate the sentiment, it’s not actual life. No relationship is perfect, despite what social media may display. We may not fight but trust me we do get on each other’s nerves on occasion. He leaves lights on in EVERY SINGLE ROOM, I like to put my cold hands on him to warm them up. You know, typical stuff.

My point is, stop comparing your life or your relationships to people you view on social media, in magazines or on television. You do realize they are all only showing you the parts they want you to see right? Well except the people with the vague comments and posts that they hope their significant other sees that lets everyone else but them know there is a problem. But I digress. There are people who waste time comparing themselves to others they don’t even know instead of enjoying what they have right in front of them!

Since we are on the subject, let’s talk about the single people as well. A lot of single people watch couples on social media and let it make them feel less than. Why? Just because someone has a significant other does not mean they are happy with that person or their lives. So many of us wasted so much time wishing and searching for a man that we missed out on a lot of life.

How many times have you passed on an invitation to go somewhere or try something new just because you didn’t have a date? Forget that! You are missing out on so many experiences and memories to be made.

I personally recall avoiding several events back in the day because I didn’t want to feel out of place attending alone. You know what ends up happening? People finally stop inviting you or you look back and realize all the things you missed out on experiencing. Life is not meant to be put on hold until you are part of a couple. The more life you live as a single person, the more well rounded you will be when

Independent women are too intimidating, they will never find a man. Who started this anyway? A man who was too afraid to deal with a strong, independent woman probably. We have been hearing this nonsense for ages. Yet strong, driven women continue to date, get engaged and marry men who deal with them just fine.

We must stop letting this nonsense make us try to make ourselves smaller, make us try to dull our shine. We were meant to stand out and make amazing impact on this world – any man that tries to make us feel otherwise is not the man we should be with anyway.

The right man will see your brilliance and do everything possible to support and encourage your continued elevation. Find that man and ignore the rest. A man that makes you feel you should be ashamed of wanting to constantly evolve would not survive the trip anyway!

Young Beautiful Lady Run On Sea Or Ocean Beach In Water Splash.

 

As the Royal Wedding draws near, there is a lot of media frenzy around the bride’s estranged family. Although it has been noted in several venues that Meghan has not spoken to several of the relatives on her fathers side in several years, much less spent any time with them, they keep speaking out. Of course, all the interviews and social media outreach they have done has been negative and disparaging against Meghan.

Now the question is, what could they possibly have to say, what insight could they possibly really give about someone that they have not spoken to or seen in years?? Of course, in this instance it really could just be people trying very hard to get their 15 minutes of fame. Or perhaps there is simply some jealousy there, because why should she have all this attention and fame? How dare she? What makes her so special?

Perhaps what they really need to realize and accept is Meghan put in the work to take her career exactly where she wanted to go prior to any relationship. There is no reason her extended family could not buckle down and pursue their own goals if they wanted to reach accomplishments in their field. As far as her relationship, she met someone and fell in love. Should she feel guilty because of his status or because of who he is? Should she not marry him and forgo happiness just to make them feel better about themselves? Of course not.

At the same time, they are trying really hard to make her look like a villain for not inviting them to her wedding. But let’s get real. Why on earth would you want people at your wedding that you have not spoken to in years, have no real relationship with and who drags your name through the mud at the first chance they get??

While most of us are not celebrities having weddings of this stature, the same principle applies to us. Your wedding is meant to be a special day for you and your significant other to celebrate your love and commitment with the people closest to you in life. You should not have to feel obligated to invite people simply to avoid them saying negative things about you or to appease what people think. What experience have you had with your wedding or those of others that included negative antics from family? How was it handled? Do you have any advice for Meghan as she launches into the next phase of her life as a new bride?

Ok I admit, I didn’t even know who YoungBoy was prior to all the shenanigans when the story broke about his girlfriend. If you have been missing out on your social media updates, the feeds were full of updates regarding him allegedly forcing his girlfriend to sleep in a hotel lobby while he entertained other women in his hotel room. Of course, someone took pictures of her and posted them online, but she further fueled the fire by making videos trying to say everyone was blowing it out of proportion. Later more photos surfaced of him taking her shopping to make it up to her.

Everyone is in a tizzy about this, but lets look at it realistically.

• First, she is only 17 so perhaps she just does not have the maturity yet to fully know her worth. Let’s be honest, there are grown women who have accepted some of the same treatment if not more for years.

• We are not in their relationship, perhaps they had a clear understanding from the very beginning that there would be some type of open door policy.

• In her mind, this may be all she thinks she deserves. Or worse, she may see it as a sign of someone who really loves her.

Now on some grown woman ish, lets be brutally honest. How many of us know grown women who accept being disrespected on the regular?? This is not some weird thing that only happens when a man is a celebrity. We have all been there – perhaps not to this degree – but we were probably fortunate enough to have friends, family or dang strangers ready to shake some sense into us.

In that light, perhaps instead of bashing her, we should pray for her. Hopefully someone close to her can be there for her when she really concludes she deserves better. But as women, we have got to stop bashing and start supporting and guiding the younger generation into the type of women they truly have the capability to be.

There is just something about starting over that can scare the living daylights out of you sometimes. Each and every time a relationship ends I have a tendency of questioning myself and trying to figure out where I went wrong. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? In the end I start to worry that I will never find the right guy. For a brief moment I always question why I keep trying and I debate giving up.

Of course time passes, I meet someone and I decide to try again. The problem is that each and every time that happens there is this split between enjoying what is happening and being afraid of opening up and possibly getting hurt again. One minute I can be sincerely enjoying the experience from getting to know someone to potentially falling in love and all the steps in between.

That fear normally ends up taking over and impacting things to some degree. The problem with letting the fear take up too much of your mind space is that it causes things like insecurities, mistrust and unnecessary arguments. Because you are afraid of being hurt, you have a tendency to put that type of negativity out there. Everything suddenly becomes assumptions of someone doing you wrong eventually. Cheating on you, lying to you or just plain leaving you.

The problem with that type of fear and negative thinking is that you are putting out into the universe the exact opposite of the outcome you really desire. Not to mention the potential chance you take of pushing someone away with all your expectations of things not working out. So here is to taking a chance, opening myself up and letting go of the fear and negative thinking. I may get hurt, I may not. But if I do, I already know I’m perfectly capable of surviving and moving forward. On the other hand, it could just be the best decision I ever made.

                                               

How many times do you start the conversation off by putting yourself down? Telling someone new everything that you perceive to be wrong with you? Or perhaps you spend a lot of time explaining what went wrong in all your past relationships. Either way, it’s a bad start. The idea of dating, whether you like it or not, is about selling yourself. Showing someone how great you are and why they should be dying to get to know more about you. Wasting a lot of time degrading yourself completely defeats the ultimate goal. Don’t ever sell yourself short. If you have things about yourself that you don’t like, fix it! But don’t dwell on it or let it keep you from enjoying life!