We all know at least one. Maybe we dated them. Or perhaps they just happen to be family or friends. Either way, its sometimes hard to walk away at the first red flags. And there are a lot of them. Let’s look at a few shall we?

  1. He is a Liar. And I do not just mean the occasional lie. He lies a lot, about everything. Big things, little things, stupid things. It is almost like he has no idea how to do anything but lie! I distinctly recall dating a guy who I had dead to rights on a simple question I asked him about something I found at his place. He lied through his teeth while looking me directly in the eye and gave me BS details to elaborate his story. How did I know he was lying? I found the receipt as well but didn’t bother to tell him that part before asking the question. Never even saw the point in telling him that I knew he was lying either. What would be the point? To hear more lies?
  2. He Loves Himself. Now don’t get me wrong, self-love is important. But a narcissist loves himself more than he could ever love you. He may tell you he loves you, but his actions do not reflect what his mouth is saying. Saying it and showing it are two vastly different things.
  3. Controlling. The narcissist needs to feel in control of everything about you; from the way you look to the way you speak. He needs to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. When the man you are with starts wanting to change everything about you, be concerned. Several years ago, I was with someone that liked to tell me how long my dresses needed to be, how my hair should be styled and didn’t like me wearing makeup. So, I changed all those things. Once I was out of that situation, my family was ecstatic to see the real me come back out of the shell I had retreated to.
  4. Table Turner. You know the type. They can do something to hurt you, yet when you confront them, they completely turn it back around on you. Let me give you an example, let’s say you find clear evidence he is cheating on you. Instead of apologizing or admitting any wrongdoing, he starts to get upset with you for some insecurities on your part or accuses you of snooping to find this out in the first place. Really? That’s what we are going to focus on?
  5. What he wants is always more important. For the narcissist, what he wants always takes precedence in any situation. And I don’t just mean in little things like where you should go for dinner. I’m talking about the big things as well. Let’s say you live in a state you love, but he decides its time to move somewhere else. With no discussion as a team, he just makes a decision. When he presents it to you, its more of a take it or leave it option. Either way, he is moving. Take a moment to evaluate, is everything always about what he wants or needs? That should concern you. Relationships are give and take. Not take and take.

He was absolutely perfect. He did everything right, no flaws and no imperfections. Romantic, honest, passionate…..the total package. Then why is he your ex?

Sometimes as women we have a tendency to change the past in our minds. Improving on the good memories and completely forgetting the bad. By the time we are done we have put that man on a pedestal, making him into something no other man can compete with.

Now every man you meet fails to meet these fantasy expectations of a past you have embellished so much that even you have trouble remembering what’s real. A reality that is not fair to you or the new man in your life. Just like we say a good man should not have to pay for the mistakes of a bad man, a new man should not have to compete against someone else.

If you are constantly comparing, perhaps you are not as ready as you think to date. Take some time to figure out what you need and want. Take things slowly. The first step, is dealing with the past. Take a good hard look at what really happened. Knock that pedestal over. If he had been Mr. Perfect, he would still be with you. But for some reason he is not, which means he is either not perfect for you or not perfect for you right now. Either way, you have to move on and live your life. Don’t let your past hinder the possibility of meeting someone that really is meant to be your future.