Sometimes even the strongest women need someone else to be strong for them. The woman that always seems to be able to handle everything, is not handling as much as you think. When you envy the woman that seems to achieve so much more than you do, take a moment to see past the veil.
Some of us are simply better at appearing to have it all together than others. You have no idea how many emotional breakdowns she has behind closed doors. How often she may feel completely overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and deadlines on her plate.
You may be looking up to her while she is secretly putting herself down and fighting her own insecurities and doubts. What you see as great or amazing, she may see as her failure that day, week or month. You know her. She is the strong friend, the one that is always there for everyone. But rarely asks anyone else for help or just a shoulder to cry on.
We spend so much time as women competing instead of supporting one another. Do your girlfriends know what they mean to you? Do they know that you would be there for them if they ever need someone to talk to?
When people are gone, we cover their social media sites with all the love and adoration we have for them. Let them know how you feel now. What is that old saying? Give them their flowers while they can still smell them. Stop taking each day for granted and let the people close to you, know what they mean to you.
When it comes to your relationship, you may be happy and perhaps even still in that honeymoon phase. But what if that changes tomorrow? For whatever reason, your significant other may blindside you out of nowhere and decide they want out. Are you prepared?
Truth be told, as women, we sometimes expect happily ever after to be just like the fairy tales we read growing up. You know, really be happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s just not always reality. So, let’s take a moment and really think about it.
Are your friends still your friends, or have you gotten so caught up in the we that you forgot about the me? When was the last time you hung out with your girlfriends or lost track of time on the phone? Most of them were there before you met him so why have you stopped keeping them high on your priority list as well? Keep in mind, if your relationship ends tomorrow, these are the same people that you will need to cry, vent or drink with!
Have you maintained your interests? You know the things you were passionate about. Your dreams, hobbies and career goals. Just because you became a couple does not mean who you are must be completely given up. Do you think men give up all their interests just because of you? Then why do we? Its mostly just something engrained in us from childhood that makes us want to make our lives 100% about someone else. But what ends up happening is that we then start looking at someone else to make us happy and that’s just not their responsibility.
If only I had a dime for every time a woman stayed with a man simply because she didn’t feel she could survive on her own. Well what if you don’t have a choice? What if he just leaves? Are you going to be ok? If you know you won’t be, do something about it now. Find a supplemental income or change careers if you need to. If things end unexpectedly you do not want to stress about how you will manage on top of being an emotional basket case.
Why is it when a man leaves, we go through this sudden need to completely revamp ourselves? Suddenly we lose weight, change our hair or our clothing in effort to show him what he’s missing. While that’s all fine and good, why can’t we that now? Don’t be complacent in how you take care of yourself or maintain your confidence, only to have to get it all body slammed later. Whether in a relationship or out, always make sure you are doing the work to maintain your confidence at its highest level. And no, I’m not saying everyone has to lose weight to do that. Some women are happy in the skin they are in. But if that’s not you, let’s put in the work now.
I guess my point is this. If you are suddenly blind sided by a relationship ending. I want you to be prepared and able to dust your self off and tell him to keep stepping. Yes, it will be an emotional roller coaster for you, we have all been there at some point. But make sure you have what it takes to handle your life just find when the dust settles.
How many people have ended a relationship or a marriage and lost friends in the process? Trust me, you are not alone. We have all been there. Some people do not bother to hear both sides of a situation before choosing sides and that is unfortunate. I guess some people do not take into account that one person could very well be embellishing or out and out lying to make themselves look more like the victim than the villain they may have really been.
Now you have a situation where friends choose to believe and cling to one while dismissing the other. Like all the time you spent with them, the laughter, tears and support of each other through the years just went out the window. Sometimes we must acknowledge that some people were just meant for a season of our lives, not the entirety of it. And as hard as it is to hear, some people were acquaintances, not friends.
My theory is always this, if the friendship really meant a lot to you. Make an honest effort to share your feelings with that person. But I wouldn’t beg them to believe me or my side of the story. Some friendships are worth putting in the effort, some or not. Because sometimes, instead of fighting you can just chalk it up as a lesson learned. Now you know that person is only a friend in the sunshine, but not good for the storms of your life. Straighten your crown and keep moving forward like the Queen you are.
Have you ever ghosted a friend simply based on what their ex said about them? Without even hearing their side. Perhaps now is a good time to reach out, apologize and be a real friend. Before its too late, tomorrow is not promised.
You are finally making all the changes you have talked about forever. Instead of just talking the talk, you are walking the walk. The weird thing is, not everyone seems to be happy for you. Sometimes you would be surprised who supports you evolving and who may try to ambush your forward motion. If you are feeling the backlash of your attempts to move to the next level, here are a few steps to help you out.
• Know when it’s time to let go. For some people, change is quite simply overrated. They are much more content staying in the same place with as little change to life as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes that person also feels threatened by your need to change. If you have already tried talking to someone to explain what your changes mean to you and requested their support to no avail, it may simply be time to accept they will never be there in the capacity you hoped for and let go.
• Negative Energy is just a waste of time and energy. You know the people I mean, they never seem to be happy about anything, anywhere, anytime. Ever. If you know someone is always super negative, you may want to try to limit some of your interactions with them to shorter time spans whenever possible. Sometimes there are people you simply can’t eliminate entirely because you work with them or perhaps they are family. But you can certainly try to keep your interactions to a minimum whenever possible. All that negative energy takes a toll and limits your energy which in turn impacts your progress in the things you are trying to do.
• Love from a distance. Some people mean well, they really do. But they don’t always understand that putting down your efforts to change or constantly trying to question why is not supportive. In their minds they may really think holding you back is in your best interest. While you may love your Aunt Jane, her constant attempts to convince you that women belong at home in the kitchen can become annoying. Loving someone does not mean you need to do so up close and personal on a regular basis. If you need to pull back for your own sanity, do so.
• Seasons change. We have all heard the sayings about people being in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. As much as it may hurt, sometimes we just must accept that someone’s season is over. Let me give you an example, one friend I met a long time ago during a very dark period in my life seemed great, until I started to move on and make changes to get out of that darkness. Finally, I had to accept that she preferred me down or depressed because that’s how she always was. My changes were like a threat to the friendship, as they say negativity breeds negativity.
How do you typically handle people who don’t support your attempts to improve or get better? Have you ever let it make you give up entirely?
Some conversations drain you. Let’s just be honest, some people drain you. The negative, angry with the world thing can be too much and zap all your energy out. Recently after looking forward to an event, I lost all excitement in less than an hour, I kid you not. It was a barrage of one person after another complaining about everything. Like aren’t you happy about anything in your life?? Anything?
The thing some of us try to avoid is simply cutting people or situations out of our lives. But sometimes, it’s just what is best for us and our wellbeing. Now obviously there are some people and situations you must deal with, but you can definitely try to limit the time required to a minimum.
Now be really honest with yourself, are you the negative one in your group? The person who is never happy about anything? You may be and not even realize it. Think about your recent interactions with other people and the things you contributed to the conversation. Was any of it positive and upbeat? Or looking back did it just seem like frustration and complaints about everything?
Even if you are the culprit, you can change that. Starting now. Start looking at the things in your life that you have gratitude about. I don’t care how small it may seem. Feeling frustrated about someone giving you attitude at work? Remember you have a job while others are trying hard to find one. Annoyed your husband left the bathroom in disarray yet again? There are widows and divorcees wishing for those moments again. You get the idea. For every negative thought, try to find a positive – even if its just the cup of coffee you are going to go have while you reset your thoughts!
What steps can you do today to make sure you are not the person others dread interacting with?
As women, why do we walk by each other most often without a word, smile or simple hello? We spend way too much time putting others down and practically relishing in someone’s sorrows instead of celebrating their success.
Let’s try something new, call it an experiment perhaps. For the next few days make it a point to say a kind word, compliment someone or congratulate them on something, no matter how small. Smile or acknowledge others in the course of your day. Later, think about how you feel. Did it help or hurt you to go out of your way to encourage your sister? Has it impacted your life in some way? I would love to hear about it!