Tag: divorce

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One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make in marriage is letting all the outside influence of family impact their marriage. Quite often, that influence comes in the form of that loving mother-in-law, that’s just not so loving.

How often are we taught that once married, we are to become one with our spouse? As much as we may be used to our mother being one of our first priorities, that is supposed to change with marriage. Now the person that was given to you in front of God should come first, after God of course. Unfortunately, there are so many marriages being torn apart at the seams because of the division being caused by one spouses’ mother.

Let me give you an example. In my first marriage, my MIL was not really a fan of mine. She constantly found something wrong with everything I did. From the way I arranged my kitchen to how much I fed her son. Who by the way was a grown ass man eating just fine. Not to mention, grown men, can feed themselves you know. But I digress. At the time, I would let her complaints to my husband drive me nuts. Because of course he would repeat everything she said to me later, reconfirming for me how much she did not like me. Marriages will face a lot of outside influence with the potential to tear it apart, letting family be one of them is a mistake.

As a member of several wife groups, I have had the opportunity lately to see how many women are dealing with much worse circumstances. Mother in laws who come to their homes and take over. Constantly gripe and complain about everything or just cause general chaos and fights in the home. What’s alarming is how many men side with their mothers and expect their wives to just accept their mother’s bad behavior vs how many men actually stand up for their wives.

The question becomes this, when your wife finally leaves, who is really to blame? Home is where we should all feel our most relaxed, safe, and loved. It should not feel like a battle zone of constant strife caused by outside forces. No one says you shouldn’t love your mother, but you do need to make sure to handle situations quickly that may impact your future with your spouse. If your mother left this world today, what would be the state of your marriage that was left behind?

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When it comes to your relationship, you may be happy and perhaps even still in that honeymoon phase. But what if that changes tomorrow? For whatever reason, your significant other may blindside you out of nowhere and decide they want out. Are you prepared?

Truth be told, as women, we sometimes expect happily ever after to be just like the fairy tales we read growing up. You know, really be happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s just not always reality. So, let’s take a moment and really think about it.

Emotionally

Are your friends still your friends, or have you gotten so caught up in the we that you forgot about the me? When was the last time you hung out with your girlfriends or lost track of time on the phone? Most of them were there before you met him so why have you stopped keeping them high on your priority list as well? Keep in mind, if your relationship ends tomorrow, these are the same people that you will need to cry, vent or drink with!

Have you maintained your interests? You know the things you were passionate about. Your dreams, hobbies and career goals. Just because you became a couple does not mean who you are must be completely given up. Do you think men give up all their interests just because of you? Then why do we? Its mostly just something engrained in us from childhood that makes us want to make our lives 100% about someone else. But what ends up happening is that we then start looking at someone else to make us happy and that’s just not their responsibility.

Financially

If only I had a dime for every time a woman stayed with a man simply because she didn’t feel she could survive on her own. Well what if you don’t have a choice? What if he just leaves? Are you going to be ok? If you know you won’t be, do something about it now. Find a supplemental income or change careers if you need to. If things end unexpectedly you do not want to stress about how you will manage on top of being an emotional basket case.

Physically

Why is it when a man leaves, we go through this sudden need to completely revamp ourselves? Suddenly we lose weight, change our hair or our clothing in effort to show him what he’s missing. While that’s all fine and good, why can’t we that now? Don’t be complacent in how you take care of yourself or maintain your confidence, only to have to get it all body slammed later. Whether in a relationship or out, always make sure you are doing the work to maintain your confidence at its highest level. And no, I’m not saying everyone has to lose weight to do that. Some women are happy in the skin they are in. But if that’s not you, let’s put in the work now.

I guess my point is this. If you are suddenly blind sided by a relationship ending. I want you to be prepared and able to dust your self off and tell him to keep stepping. Yes, it will be an emotional roller coaster for you, we have all been there at some point. But make sure you have what it takes to handle your life just find when the dust settles.