It’s been one of those days. First, I did a thing. Then I started to let doubt and fear convince me it was a mistake and not the best idea. Not to mention all the hurdles and roadblocks along the way. I guess I’m rambling, so let’s back up a bit, shall we?
For some time now I have been overthinking the idea of starting a podcast. Some days the idea is strong and exciting, others I’m standing at the ledge without a parachute. Finally, I decide it’s now or nothing, there is too much that can happen if we keep putting off the things we want to do waiting for the perfect timing, perfect setup or just another perfect excuse to wait.
I researched all the things I would need for setup, picked a host, designed my graphics and made a trailer. Then the hard part, pushing the button. Of course, just as predicted that is when the roadblocks really came in. First, I had to try to figure out what I wanted to talk about for the first one and how I wanted it to flow. Then I sat down with the microphone and headphones and could not hear myself for anything. Tried test after test and my voice was just not coming through. I then tried logging into all the extremely complicated instruments my husband has in the home office. (He will swear its not complicated at all. Whatever!) Now I can’t figure out how to make it record in that system. Turns out I didn’t even have that mic turned on properly. Like I said complicated!
In the end, I ended up sitting in my bedroom closet with my phone and matching headphones. That’s right, my first ever podcast was recorded in the dang closet. But it was that or nothing. After going back and forth with the other systems the doubt was back. Who did I think I was to try to this? What authority, recognition or influence did I really have? Who is even going to listen? Since quitting was not an option, the closet it was.
Of course, once I was really done, I wanted feedback. You know how we ask for something we don’t really want?? Besides, those nerves were setting in again. My husband has decades of experience in radio so who better? He gave me the feedback that I asked for and I was ready to scrap the whole thing. Do it again. Start over. Try it on a different day maybe. But after thinking about it, I decided to push forward. It was my first time, its not going to be perfect. And honestly, I didn’t want to give myself yet another excuse to wait until tomorrow, next week or maybe never. As time goes on, I will get better and better, but my first time out of the gate I’m not going to sound like a master.
How often do we do this to ourselves and why? We start convincing ourselves that what we have to say wont matter. The sad truth is, it wont matter. Not if we don’t push ourselves out of those cocoons of self-doubt and do the things, all the things! Yep we might fail. We might fail massively. Or we might just spread our wings and fly.
Erica Regina 