About That Compliment

I have a problem with compliments. Always have. No idea why that is. For as long as I can remember when someone starts complimenting anything from looks, work or talents its makes me a little flustered. Mostly I try to change the subject, redirect the conversation or blow it off.

Normal people show appreciation, accept it for what it is and move on. Not me. At some point I have to figure it out. You know, act like an adult. We went away this weekend, as we met people they kept giving me compliments. More than once I didn’t know how to respond so instead, I said nothing. Do you know how that comes off? It comes off rude. Rude as hell! If anything, it appears that you are some stuck up….

Truth is, it goes back to my own insecurities that I have always had growing up. But have you ever noticed if people think you have no reason to be insecure they tend to blow you off when you try to explain what you feel? Its kind of like when someone smaller in size tells you they feel fat and you blow them off because you have soo much more weight to lose than they do. Well just because you don’t think someone should feel a certain way, does not make it so. We are own worst critics. Always.

Maybe the key is to learn to compliment instead of criticize. You know, those conversations we have with ourselves when we look in a mirror, try on a new dress or contemplate a career change. You know, the ones where we always find something wrong. Instead perhaps its time to force positivity only. Instead of letting insecurities impact choices, accept what is happening then go around it with a better attitude.

Its time to force myself out of my own comfort zone. Stop letting insecurities impact the decisions I make. First step? Accept a compliment with a simple Thank You. And Believe it.

Getting It Together

I’m fat. Did I just figure this out? Of course not! I’ve known this for quite some time. Every once in a while, something happens to remind a girl. For me, it was my wedding. I look back at the photos with utter dismay. Don’t get me wrong, I made a beautiful bride. However, I would have loved to look the way I really dreamed of looking on my wedding day. My dress was gorgeous and yet the wrong angles in some photos make me wish I had made another choice.

The rolls, creases and jiggling are endless. Am I sitting in a corner miserable about this? Nope, not at all. On that day, I was happy. Ultimately my wedding was beautiful. Now it’s time to do something about it. There will be several people that say, just love the skin you are in, stop trying to fit into societies version of beauty, etc. etc. Yeah well that’s all fine and good, except – I’m not happy in the skin I’m in. I want more, I know I can achieve more.

First things first. What’s the plan? Well joining a gym was at the top of the list. But instead of a normal gym, we join the gym of all gyms. I’m talking huge. Crowded. Pretty intimidating. Heck this is week four and I only know where certain things are because I’ve been too stubborn to request another tour.

Then there are the tiny little girls in the matching outfits that work out without sounding like they are hacking up a lung. I could trip one of them. But I won’t. Well, don’t push me.

Then there is all the useless research. Do cardio first. No, do weights first then cardio! Trainers are the best choice! No, no classes are the better option! Yeah, yeah. How about for now we just be happy I’m here? Trying. Without using profanity with anyone. Tomorrow is another day.

Stop Waiting to Live!

As girls most of us were raised reading fairy tales where we strive to find our prince charming, once we have him life can begin. Somewhere along the way some of us are forgetting there is a whole life prior to finding the perfect spouse.

There is so much in the world to learn, experience and explore. Yes, finding your mate is important, but so is finding yourself. If you don’t learn and evolve, what are you bringing to the table when you find the perfect one? Suddenly you have nothing to talk about, no experiences to share and quite often no desire to step out of your comfort zone. So yes, you may have great physical chemistry, but believe it or not some men desire more than just sex if they are thinking long term commitment.

How often have you thought about all these things you are going to do? You watched a movie with a bunch of friends taking annual vacations together and got all motivated….for about 5 minutes. You went from all the excitement of imagining it as your crew, to all the reasons it won’t work. Stop thinking about why something can’t work or making excuses to not even try! You want to do something new, then do it. Make a list of all the new things you can do, both alone and with others that takes you out of your comfort zone. Once that list is complete, start making plans. Get people involved, be vocal about what you are doing – gives you less chance of backing out!

Between the day you were born and the day you leave this earth you should be aiming to make as many memories as possible. Stop watching other people on TV, Theaters and Social Media Live the best life they can while you make excuses and wait on a significant other. As I have been telling my friends, my next plan involves regular girl’s trips with them. Why? Because being married should not suddenly stop my connection with my girls. Those things that broaden your horizons and increase your creativity will only improve your relationships with your significant other. Despite what the fairy tales told us as children, your spouse is not solely responsible for your happiness.

What are you doing to step out of your comfort zone and make some new memories? I would love to know! Drop a comment below or hit me up on Twitter @ericaregina71

 

Failure to Launch 

On a day to day basis it may seem that one friend or another is either announcing a new business launch or linking you to their brand new website. Yet another associate has just written a book or started giving motivational seminars. 

Instead of being supportive or just plain happy for them you may find yourself feeling a lot of negative emotions. Perhaps you feel annoyed at being tagged in yet another post or frustrated with their need to share every little thing. 

Instead of assisting in the positive vibe, you indulge in petty gossip, malicious thoughts or worse. You may try to bring them back to reality by telling them everything that can go wrong, or why their new venture is just not going to work. Remember that old saying, if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all? Perhaps you should use it. 

Sometimes we need to take a good hard look at what is really going on. Why is someone else’s leap of faith putting us on edge? Has it ever occurred to you that deep down your frustration has nothing to do with the other person and it’s really all about you? That step of faith someone else is willing to take may just bother you because of your own failure to launch. 

Stop letting your own fears and insecurities prevent you from jumping. Take a good hard look in the mirror. What are your dreams and goals? How can you achieve them? Instead of feeling angry or frustrated at others for going after what they want in life, it’s time to go after your own! What are you waiting for?

Is he Afraid of Commitment?

We all know the ones, the guys who seem to have it all together: good communicators, romantic, great careers, set life goals, financial responsibility etc. They indicate they are ready for a relationship, the only thing they need to make everything complete. He is ready for a wife, or so he says. As women we have a tendency to jump in with both feet, after all he meets several of the bullet points on some imaginary list in our heads of what we want in a man.In no time we are planning a future right down to the color of the bridesmaid dresses. So what’s the problem? When you start talking about commitment he is tripping over himself trying to avoid actually committing to you and only you. Wait, monogamy? That’s a foreign word to some men.
Suddenly you are questioning yourself, trying to figure out what is wrong with you. Trying to determine why this keeps happening. Have you ever considered that there is nothing wrong with you? While there are several men out here who are legitimately looking for it all. Men who want a woman to form a loving partnership, there are of course men who make us suspicious of the good guys.

Just because a man indicates he wants a commitment or a family does not mean he wants that with you. As a male friend of mine likes to say, some men simply know the game. They know what we want to hear. As he calls it, they play ‘Tea Party’ with us. Simply meaning they feel us out and figure out what it is we are looking for, then they tell us everything we want to hear to accomplish their goal.

Now this is not to say all guys have some secret agenda, which could not be further from the truth. But just like there are some women that can mistreat a man and make him suspicious of everyone after her, there are men who fit that bill as well.

The bottom line is simply to take your time and really get to know someone new. Ask the questions. Let him show you that he is sincere. If he really wants you, if he really wants a commitment he is going to show you. Not through his words but through his actions. As the old folks used to say, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

  

Love is not Violent

Being in love can be a rollercoaster of emotions: passionate, romantic and pure bliss. Unfortunately it can also be difficult and draining; because let’s face it, every relationship is not going to be peaches and cream at all times.

What love should never be is violent. A conversation last night led me to be more open and transparent than I normally am. Trying to explain having once been in an abusive partnership can be scary. One has to wonder what impact that revelation will have. Will it change someone’s perception of me? Will they judge me unjustly? If you are opening up to someone who truly cares about you, they will not judge you on your past. Instead they will embrace the lessons it taught you and the woman you have become.

As women, we sometimes have a habit of making excuses for certain behavior. For a very long time, I made those excuses. Since the violence in my case normally involved pushing, shoving or being held down along with a lot of emotional abuse I made excuses. Constantly being in denial that it’s not abuse if they don’t hit you is just that, denial. At some point we have to take a good hard look at the situation and decide once and for all that someone who truly cares about you would never hurt you. They would never break doors because you didn’t want to argue, or punch holes in walls when you are crying.

We were created by Good as divine creatures meant to be loved, cherished and cared for. Nothing less should ever be accepted. I have come a long way from that woman. I’m ready to walk in my truth, are you?

Reflecting

What happens when a writer has too much time on their hands? I write. A lot. What else is there to do?? There have been a lot of changes lately but one thing remains consistent, the need to get things down on paper, clear my mind so to speak. So here goes.

As a relationship writer it can sometimes get quite stressful dealing with everyone elses relationship concerns and questions in addition to my own personal obstacles. It’s all about balance. One thing I can not do is let anything impacting my personal life affect the way I handle my writing ventures or ultimate goals. Some relationships are meant to be, long lasting, enduring. Other relationships may only be fleeting, someone to teach you something in the moment. A stepping stone so to speak. An avenue towards reaching your true partner.

Think of it this way, each person you interact with teaches you something. Sometimes those lessons are positive, sometimes they are negative. Either way you either learned how you want to be treated and what your expectations are in a mate or you learned what you simpley will not be able to accept.

Personally I like to think of it this way. Each relationship that does not work out, for whatever reason, prepares you for the person you are ultimately meant to be with. You are wiser, more centered and more apt to appreciate all the things about them that may not have been present in your past relationships. Due to that fact I say this, breakups happen. Take a moment to deal with and accept the dissapointment then move forward. Do not let it hold you back or deter you from continuing to reach for the relationship you ultimately want. Giving up is never an option, life is simply too short. Keep pushing, your true happiness in a relationship may just be around the corner with that one person you are pushing away out of fear from the past.