At some point in all your dating ventures there is a very high chance that you will one day date a man who has been cheated on. Believe it or not it happens, more than you may now. While menmay love to put on an air of strength and invincibility, they can be extremely hurt by betrayal of this nature. That type of hurt can and will impact their future relationships.
Does this mean you should avoid getting involved with a man who has been hurt in this manner? Absolutely not. Just as women have a past that men accept in order to be involved with them, women should be willing to make the same adjustments. A man has the capacity to love extremely hard, once he truly lets down any walls and lets a woman in completely. That woman becomes the one person he counts on to always have his back, the one person he can always trust, in other words the Queen to the King in him. Once a man has been betrayed by someone he has placed that much faith in, it is sometimes difficult for him to recover immediately. Difficult but not impossible.
If you want to be with this man, you will need to accept certain eccentricities in the beginning. It will take time for him to trust you completely, probably more time than you are used to in arelationship. There may be more questions or concerns about where you are, who you are with or perhaps who else you communicate with of the opposite nature. Do not intentionally do things that you know will make him question you in effort to get attention.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is a big difference between a man who is jealous and a man who has trust issues from hurt at this level. Know the difference. Try to understand the impact this type of betrayal has made on him and be willing to do what it takes to show him that you are not the same woman that hurt him. Show him that he can count on you, trust you and confide in you about any and all concerns he may have without fear of judgement. You will not regret it in the long run. As that man opens up completely to you and lets you all the way in, you will be able to see the King under all those layers. A man that will love, cherish and adore you in ways you can only imagine.
As we all go through the lovely chaos of dating you will sometimes find yourselves on different wavelengths. Just like anything else one of you may develop feelings quicker than the other or at the very least a little more intense than your partner.
When that happens you may feel a paralyzing fear of inadequacy. But there is really no need. There is not a rule set in stone that says you should both feel the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Some people take longer than others to really open up and let themselves be vulnerable to giving someone else their heart. Yes in a perfect romantic situation both parties would fall in love at the same time and live happily ever after just like the fairy tales. But that’s just it, those are fairy tales.
In reality those feelings may happen instantly or they make take time. But are you really willing to risk running to avoid possible rejection when in reality it may just take time for someone to catch up to where you are? Give things time to develop, see where they go and you just might find yourself the recipient of the relationship of your dreams.
It never fails, as soon as you move on and seem happy in a new relationship the ghosts from your past are sure to show up. Everything from those that just want to say hello or tell you they miss you to the ones who claim to want to congratulate you and wish you well.
There may very well be a really small percentage that truly want to wish you well. But for the most part it’s for purely selfish reasons. For some of them, it’s genuinely surprising that you would move on and find happiness with someone else, to others you suddenly appear so much more appealing now that you are with someone new. Of course there will be those who are simply trying to be nosey.
Keep all these conversations to a minimum. There is no need for long text messages, phone calls or visits for old times sake. Of course you can respond, you don’t have to be rude.
Keep it short and to the point. Don’t engage in any communication you would not appreciate your new partner doing with one of their exes. Just as you would find it disrespectful, show your new relationship the same respect.
The people in your past are in the past for a reason. Leave them there. Don’t risk your new relationship and potential happiness looking back.
There is an old saying that when someone shows you who they are, believe them. So why is it then that we make excuse after excuse for the negative, mean spirited ways women sometimes treat each other? Instead of putting a stop to it, we let it continue, we engage in it and sometimes revel from it.
Don’t agree? Think about it. How often have you engaged in malicious gossip about someone who considered you a confidant? Even if you didn’t say anything, failing to walk away still makes you an accomplice.
Women are emotional creatures by nature, wouldn’t it be so much more empowering if we supported, encouraged and loved one another instead of just being negative, gossiping and being mean spirited?
We have all been guilty at some point, some more than others. But it’s never too late to change that behavior. Start fresh today with a new attitude and outlook on how you will interact with the women you encounter each day, you might be amazed at the changes it will bring to your life!
Why are we so often our own worst enemies? As women we are quite often the hardest on ourselves. We let our insecurities get in the way of who we are and what we are capable of. Most people who know me have a perception of someone confident and self-assured. What people do not realize is that is a constant work in progress, something I struggle with daily. I’m constantly comparing myself, evaluating and trying to measure up.
Just recently I had to stop and take a long hard look at some things. Specifically I found myself comparing myself to the women before me in my current relationship. Simply because I know I’m nothing like those women. Instead of taking that at face value and moving forward, I start to compare and contrast. Why? Because I am who I am I guess. After wasting unnecessary time thinking about this, I had to face facts. I may not be like anyone else, but that’s what makes me completely unique and one of a kind. Being different from the women before me is probably a very good thing, after all they are in the past now for a reason.
I say all of this to say this, if you are letting your insecurities get in the way of any of the relationships in your life, you are not alone. But you do need to stop immediately. You are one of a kind, specially designed by God to be exactly who and what you are. Do not ever compare yourself to others, simply shine in the light of your unique self and let others enjoy the ambience of your true radiance.
At some point you just get tired of going through the motions of dating. After all how many times can you let yourself get excited about starting over? Meeting one new guy after another. The questions, learning everything about them and who they are, what they believe in, what makes them happy.
The problem is, stopping means giving up. Giving up on meeting someone, giving up on finding love. Am I ready to do that just yet? Nope, not at all. I’m a relationship girl. I’m just someone who prefers to be in a relationship. So for now, the process continues.
There is nothing quite like realizing you have yet again put your dreams on the back burner. Once you realize that, you can either let that reality depress you or motivate you to get on your game. Which one will you do?
For me it’s a simple matter of realizing I can say I’m a writer and a blogger till the cows come home.But if I’m not giving it as much energy as I give everything else in my life it’s never going to be exactly what I want it to be and it will never give me the results I ultimately wish to achieve. So here’s to making some changes and becoming the best I can be!
There is just something about starting over that can scare the living daylights out of you sometimes. Each and every time a relationship ends I have a tendency of questioning myself and trying to figure out where I went wrong. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? In the end I start to worry that I will never find the right guy. For a brief moment I always question why I keep trying and I debate giving up.
Of course time passes, I meet someone and I decide to try again. The problem is that each and every time that happens there is this split between enjoying what is happening and being afraid of opening up and possibly getting hurt again. One minute I can be sincerely enjoying the experience from getting to know someone to potentially falling in love and all the steps in between.
That fear normally ends up taking over and impacting things to some degree. The problem with letting the fear take up too much of your mind space is that it causes things like insecurities, mistrust and unnecessary arguments. Because you are afraid of being hurt, you have a tendency to put that type of negativity out there. Everything suddenly becomes assumptions of someone doing you wrong eventually. Cheating on you, lying to you or just plain leaving you.
The problem with that type of fear and negative thinking is that you are putting out into the universe the exact opposite of the outcome you really desire. Not to mention the potential chance you take of pushing someone away with all your expectations of things not working out. So here is to taking a chance, opening myself up and letting go of the fear and negative thinking. I may get hurt, I may not. But if I do, I already know I’m perfectly capable of surviving and moving forward. On the other hand, it could just be the best decision I ever made.
My mind never stops. It’s in constant motion; a rotation of everything I should do and everything I’ve done. It’s exhausting. It’s also detrimental to my focus.
Lately I’m starting to realize and accept how important it is sometimes to just stop. Take a moment and do nothing. No ‘to do’ lists, no constant need to check things off a list. Just stop.
When was the last time you just took a moment to observe nature; to admire the beauty around you everyday? It’s so easy to get lost in the mundane day to day and forget to simply stop, breathe and enjoy the here and now.
There is something self destructive about choosing to blame yourself for someone else’s behavior. I have spent entirely too many years blaming myself if a friend, lover or family member did anything to hurt me. The question is why?
At some point I have to accept that not everything is my fault. I may not be able to control how someone treats me, but I can control what I allow to continue.