There are so many times when I virtually find it impossible to focus on the trivial things I normally find important. This is one of those times. Don’t get me wrong, on a normal basis these things do not seem trivial in the least. But today is different.

I had plans to get some writing done today, update my social media platforms and work on a new venture I have in mind. Then I picked up my phone. Another notification for yet another shooting. This time it’s a church. Suddenly nothing else matters. I feel sick. There is no way to even try to comprehend what those families are going through right now. The loss, the devastation of family and freinds you never get to see again, say I love you or just hold on to.

It’s a church! If we can’t feel safe there where can we feel safe? I don’t understand, probably never will. Right now I just want to take a moment to pray for the victims and their love ones. Because there is only one source of relief at a time like this: faith in God to guide us all.

On a day to day basis it may seem that one friend or another is either announcing a new business launch or linking you to their brand new website. Yet another associate has just written a book or started giving motivational seminars. 

Instead of being supportive or just plain happy for them you may find yourself feeling a lot of negative emotions. Perhaps you feel annoyed at being tagged in yet another post or frustrated with their need to share every little thing. 

Instead of assisting in the positive vibe, you indulge in petty gossip, malicious thoughts or worse. You may try to bring them back to reality by telling them everything that can go wrong, or why their new venture is just not going to work. Remember that old saying, if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all? Perhaps you should use it. 

Sometimes we need to take a good hard look at what is really going on. Why is someone else’s leap of faith putting us on edge? Has it ever occurred to you that deep down your frustration has nothing to do with the other person and it’s really all about you? That step of faith someone else is willing to take may just bother you because of your own failure to launch. 

Stop letting your own fears and insecurities prevent you from jumping. Take a good hard look in the mirror. What are your dreams and goals? How can you achieve them? Instead of feeling angry or frustrated at others for going after what they want in life, it’s time to go after your own! What are you waiting for?

We all know the ones, the guys who seem to have it all together: good communicators, romantic, great careers, set life goals, financial responsibility etc. They indicate they are ready for a relationship, the only thing they need to make everything complete. He is ready for a wife, or so he says. As women we have a tendency to jump in with both feet, after all he meets several of the bullet points on some imaginary list in our heads of what we want in a man.In no time we are planning a future right down to the color of the bridesmaid dresses. So what’s the problem? When you start talking about commitment he is tripping over himself trying to avoid actually committing to you and only you. Wait, monogamy? That’s a foreign word to some men.
Suddenly you are questioning yourself, trying to figure out what is wrong with you. Trying to determine why this keeps happening. Have you ever considered that there is nothing wrong with you? While there are several men out here who are legitimately looking for it all. Men who want a woman to form a loving partnership, there are of course men who make us suspicious of the good guys.

Just because a man indicates he wants a commitment or a family does not mean he wants that with you. As a male friend of mine likes to say, some men simply know the game. They know what we want to hear. As he calls it, they play ‘Tea Party’ with us. Simply meaning they feel us out and figure out what it is we are looking for, then they tell us everything we want to hear to accomplish their goal.

Now this is not to say all guys have some secret agenda, which could not be further from the truth. But just like there are some women that can mistreat a man and make him suspicious of everyone after her, there are men who fit that bill as well.

The bottom line is simply to take your time and really get to know someone new. Ask the questions. Let him show you that he is sincere. If he really wants you, if he really wants a commitment he is going to show you. Not through his words but through his actions. As the old folks used to say, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Being in love can be a rollercoaster of emotions: passionate, romantic and pure bliss. Unfortunately it can also be difficult and draining; because let’s face it, every relationship is not going to be peaches and cream at all times.

What love should never be is violent. A conversation last night led me to be more open and transparent than I normally am. Trying to explain having once been in an abusive partnership can be scary. One has to wonder what impact that revelation will have. Will it change someone’s perception of me? Will they judge me unjustly? If you are opening up to someone who truly cares about you, they will not judge you on your past. Instead they will embrace the lessons it taught you and the woman you have become.

As women, we sometimes have a habit of making excuses for certain behavior. For a very long time, I made those excuses. Since the violence in my case normally involved pushing, shoving or being held down along with a lot of emotional abuse I made excuses. Constantly being in denial that it’s not abuse if they don’t hit you is just that, denial. At some point we have to take a good hard look at the situation and decide once and for all that someone who truly cares about you would never hurt you. They would never break doors because you didn’t want to argue, or punch holes in walls when you are crying.

We were created by Good as divine creatures meant to be loved, cherished and cared for. Nothing less should ever be accepted. I have come a long way from that woman. I’m ready to walk in my truth, are you?

What happens when a writer has too much time on their hands? I write. A lot. What else is there to do?? There have been a lot of changes lately but one thing remains consistent, the need to get things down on paper, clear my mind so to speak. So here goes.

As a relationship writer it can sometimes get quite stressful dealing with everyone elses relationship concerns and questions in addition to my own personal obstacles. It’s all about balance. One thing I can not do is let anything impacting my personal life affect the way I handle my writing ventures or ultimate goals. Some relationships are meant to be, long lasting, enduring. Other relationships may only be fleeting, someone to teach you something in the moment. A stepping stone so to speak. An avenue towards reaching your true partner.

Think of it this way, each person you interact with teaches you something. Sometimes those lessons are positive, sometimes they are negative. Either way you either learned how you want to be treated and what your expectations are in a mate or you learned what you simpley will not be able to accept.

Personally I like to think of it this way. Each relationship that does not work out, for whatever reason, prepares you for the person you are ultimately meant to be with. You are wiser, more centered and more apt to appreciate all the things about them that may not have been present in your past relationships. Due to that fact I say this, breakups happen. Take a moment to deal with and accept the dissapointment then move forward. Do not let it hold you back or deter you from continuing to reach for the relationship you ultimately want. Giving up is never an option, life is simply too short. Keep pushing, your true happiness in a relationship may just be around the corner with that one person you are pushing away out of fear from the past.

Needy, clingy women are a major turnoff to a powerful man with drive. Why? Simply put, focused men trying to achieve certain goals in life do not have time to reassure you every minute of every day that you are in their thoughts.

What is your purpose? What are your goals, dreams and aspirations? If you are an independent woman with a mind of your own, one who is driven to pursue your own goals, you simply won’t have time to focus on what he is doing hour after hour throughout the day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way saying a man should not make you a priority in his life. However, he should not have to stress about the attitude you will have if he is not checking in with you every moment. The last thing a man needs at the end of a long stressful day is his woman giving him even more grief and stress. Your goal should always be one that empowers him, uplifts him and makes him feel safe from the struggles of the world. In other words, you are the one person that he knows will always have his back. The person he can talk to about anything without fear of judgment.

Think of it this way. When was the last time you were doing something that kept you extremely focused or busy? Perhaps it was a major deadline at work or a party you were in the middle of planning. Maybe you spent the day with a good friend you had not seen in awhile. During those times, it’s quite easy to lose track of time. When that happens you may only talk to the man in your life once or twice all day. But you don’t freak out about it because you know the reason. You were busy, he was busy. How would you feel if he automatically accused you of doing something wrong when you were missing in action? Or tried to insinuate that he simply was not important to you? Well just like you would not appreciate that, neither does he.

As a woman pursuing her goals you will attract men with like minded ambitions. Part of that reason is that he knows that combined drive will ultimately make you both a force to be reckoned with as a strong, powerful couple on the rise. It also lets him know that he does not have to stress about checking in every five seconds to reassure you because just like he is focused, so are you.

If you know you have a tendency to be that needy clingy woman, try something different. When you start to feel that need arising in you to check in with him for the millionth time in an hour, focus on something else. Preferably something that balances and evolves you as a woman. Take out your goal list, update some things. Focus on some of the short term steps to achieving those long term items. Not only does it give him time to do the things he has to do, it gives you time to focus on you. When you stay busy on individual goals, friendships and interests you spend less time nagging and more time blooming into someone he will find even more attractive and interesting.