Category: Relationships

By on 1 Comment

One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make in marriage is letting all the outside influence of family impact their marriage. Quite often, that influence comes in the form of that loving mother-in-law, that’s just not so loving.

How often are we taught that once married, we are to become one with our spouse? As much as we may be used to our mother being one of our first priorities, that is supposed to change with marriage. Now the person that was given to you in front of God should come first, after God of course. Unfortunately, there are so many marriages being torn apart at the seams because of the division being caused by one spouses’ mother.

Let me give you an example. In my first marriage, my MIL was not really a fan of mine. She constantly found something wrong with everything I did. From the way I arranged my kitchen to how much I fed her son. Who by the way was a grown ass man eating just fine. Not to mention, grown men, can feed themselves you know. But I digress. At the time, I would let her complaints to my husband drive me nuts. Because of course he would repeat everything she said to me later, reconfirming for me how much she did not like me. Marriages will face a lot of outside influence with the potential to tear it apart, letting family be one of them is a mistake.

As a member of several wife groups, I have had the opportunity lately to see how many women are dealing with much worse circumstances. Mother in laws who come to their homes and take over. Constantly gripe and complain about everything or just cause general chaos and fights in the home. What’s alarming is how many men side with their mothers and expect their wives to just accept their mother’s bad behavior vs how many men actually stand up for their wives.

The question becomes this, when your wife finally leaves, who is really to blame? Home is where we should all feel our most relaxed, safe, and loved. It should not feel like a battle zone of constant strife caused by outside forces. No one says you shouldn’t love your mother, but you do need to make sure to handle situations quickly that may impact your future with your spouse. If your mother left this world today, what would be the state of your marriage that was left behind?

By on

For the love of everything holy, please stop comparing your relationship to the version of someone else’s you see on the internet! You do realize that most people only show you the good times, right? And let’s not even talk about the fact that quite often, a lot of what you see is not even the good times, it’s just the version of reality they want to put out there.

As of late, several high-profile couples have called it quits to the astonishment of their fans. They were such a perfect couple; they just can’t believe this could happen. Reality is, most of the time, we have absolutely no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Those so-called perfect couples may be going through a lot. Disrespect, infidelity, abuse or more.

High profile or not, as soon as a couple makes it clear they have parted ways, everyone has something to say. People jump on the comment section or in their DM’s trying to convince them to forgive the person and just make it work because they just looked so good together. Key word, looked. They may have looked good together, but obviously something needed to be addressed if they have called it quits. Unless you are simply praying for their wellbeing, what is the point of putting all that pressure on people? Don’t you think they are going through enough without having to deal with every random person’s opinions?

The next time you compare your relationship to someone else’s, keep that old saying in mind. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Water your lawn and stop wishing for something that may just be much worse than your current reality.

By on

If you are watching the latest season of Married at First Sight, you already know all about Chris and Paige. They have been the most talked about couple since episode one. Unfortunately, it is not because they make such a wonderful match. Instead, they are the talk of every episode because of all the foul things Chris has either done or said to his new bride.

First, he was not very subtle from the beginning when he made it clear she was not his type. However, that did not seem to stop him from sleeping with her, multiple times, without protection. He has exhibited all the behavior we all have experienced at some point from someone who manipulates you every step of the way. He confesses he is still in love with his ex and wants to be with her. Yet he keeps communicating with Paige and giving her false hope of a future he has no intention of giving her.

At this point, most of us have washed our hands of the whole thing. We started off feeling sorry for Paige and wanting her to have a do over. Lately, several of us have been finding ourselves annoyed with her for continuing to keep letting him lead her on. But at some point, the question must be, where are her friends?? Are her friends simply not aware of what is happening? Is she keeping them all in the dark? What is happening?

We all have that one friend who gives it to us straight, no chaser. The one that would grab us and shake us if need be. Why aren’t her friends helping her through this? Or maybe they have tried, and that part is edited out.

True enough, sometimes our friends try to talk to us, and we just make excuse after excuse for accepting less than we deserve. Mostly just because we would rather make excuses and hold on rather than start over with someone new. Sometimes, we must make up our minds all on our own. Hopefully, before this season is over, Paige will decide she is a Queen who deserves someone who makes her his number one priority. When that happens, her friends will be right there to help her straighten her crown.

By on

I know, I know, not my usual content. But I watched a reality show recently (big surprise) where something piqued my interest. Not a big surprise for me, I know. 

The spouse had done something for the wife to help her out, basically handling a situation for her with her mother. Afterwards he made a comment asking if what he did was worth sex. She pretty much blew off the comment and told him to go to his office.

Since that time, I have seen a lot of banter on social media in multiple groups. Some people felt blowing off his comment was the same as basically pushing him to cheat. The general thought being if he is asking and you say no you are literally telling him to go somewhere else. Especially since there have been allegations in the past of him stepping out.

But let’s look at this. Are we really saying that women can never say no to a man or he will cheat? Is that really what we want to teach our daughters? You must always do what he wants when he wants, or else? There are going to be times when we are tired or just not in the mood. The response is not retaliation by cheating, its contribution. What do I mean by that? Well, if she is tired, have you considered what she does in a day and thought of ways to help out? Perhaps handling the kids for a while so she can have a break or handling some of her tasks to free her up a bit. If she is not in the mood, have you considered your approach? Are you romancing her, seducing her or just groping and trying to pounce? Most of us, take a little time to warm up. Think preheating an oven instead of the zap of a microwave.

Beyond that, it is definitely not an excuse to cheat. At any time one spouse is unhappy, the key is to communicate the concerns. The response is not to just ignore your vows and do whatever or whoever you want. Because let’s be honest, as a man, you would have a fit if she did the same!

By on

We all know at least one. Maybe we dated them. Or perhaps they just happen to be family or friends. Either way, its sometimes hard to walk away at the first red flags. And there are a lot of them. Let’s look at a few shall we?

  1. He is a Liar. And I do not just mean the occasional lie. He lies a lot, about everything. Big things, little things, stupid things. It is almost like he has no idea how to do anything but lie! I distinctly recall dating a guy who I had dead to rights on a simple question I asked him about something I found at his place. He lied through his teeth while looking me directly in the eye and gave me BS details to elaborate his story. How did I know he was lying? I found the receipt as well but didn’t bother to tell him that part before asking the question. Never even saw the point in telling him that I knew he was lying either. What would be the point? To hear more lies?
  2. He Loves Himself. Now don’t get me wrong, self-love is important. But a narcissist loves himself more than he could ever love you. He may tell you he loves you, but his actions do not reflect what his mouth is saying. Saying it and showing it are two vastly different things.
  3. Controlling. The narcissist needs to feel in control of everything about you; from the way you look to the way you speak. He needs to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. When the man you are with starts wanting to change everything about you, be concerned. Several years ago, I was with someone that liked to tell me how long my dresses needed to be, how my hair should be styled and didn’t like me wearing makeup. So, I changed all those things. Once I was out of that situation, my family was ecstatic to see the real me come back out of the shell I had retreated to.
  4. Table Turner. You know the type. They can do something to hurt you, yet when you confront them, they completely turn it back around on you. Let me give you an example, let’s say you find clear evidence he is cheating on you. Instead of apologizing or admitting any wrongdoing, he starts to get upset with you for some insecurities on your part or accuses you of snooping to find this out in the first place. Really? That’s what we are going to focus on?
  5. What he wants is always more important. For the narcissist, what he wants always takes precedence in any situation. And I don’t just mean in little things like where you should go for dinner. I’m talking about the big things as well. Let’s say you live in a state you love, but he decides its time to move somewhere else. With no discussion as a team, he just makes a decision. When he presents it to you, its more of a take it or leave it option. Either way, he is moving. Take a moment to evaluate, is everything always about what he wants or needs? That should concern you. Relationships are give and take. Not take and take.

By on

When it comes to your relationship, you may be happy and perhaps even still in that honeymoon phase. But what if that changes tomorrow? For whatever reason, your significant other may blindside you out of nowhere and decide they want out. Are you prepared?

Truth be told, as women, we sometimes expect happily ever after to be just like the fairy tales we read growing up. You know, really be happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s just not always reality. So, let’s take a moment and really think about it.

Emotionally

Are your friends still your friends, or have you gotten so caught up in the we that you forgot about the me? When was the last time you hung out with your girlfriends or lost track of time on the phone? Most of them were there before you met him so why have you stopped keeping them high on your priority list as well? Keep in mind, if your relationship ends tomorrow, these are the same people that you will need to cry, vent or drink with!

Have you maintained your interests? You know the things you were passionate about. Your dreams, hobbies and career goals. Just because you became a couple does not mean who you are must be completely given up. Do you think men give up all their interests just because of you? Then why do we? Its mostly just something engrained in us from childhood that makes us want to make our lives 100% about someone else. But what ends up happening is that we then start looking at someone else to make us happy and that’s just not their responsibility.

Financially

If only I had a dime for every time a woman stayed with a man simply because she didn’t feel she could survive on her own. Well what if you don’t have a choice? What if he just leaves? Are you going to be ok? If you know you won’t be, do something about it now. Find a supplemental income or change careers if you need to. If things end unexpectedly you do not want to stress about how you will manage on top of being an emotional basket case.

Physically

Why is it when a man leaves, we go through this sudden need to completely revamp ourselves? Suddenly we lose weight, change our hair or our clothing in effort to show him what he’s missing. While that’s all fine and good, why can’t we that now? Don’t be complacent in how you take care of yourself or maintain your confidence, only to have to get it all body slammed later. Whether in a relationship or out, always make sure you are doing the work to maintain your confidence at its highest level. And no, I’m not saying everyone has to lose weight to do that. Some women are happy in the skin they are in. But if that’s not you, let’s put in the work now.

I guess my point is this. If you are suddenly blind sided by a relationship ending. I want you to be prepared and able to dust your self off and tell him to keep stepping. Yes, it will be an emotional roller coaster for you, we have all been there at some point. But make sure you have what it takes to handle your life just find when the dust settles.

By on

Upset woman ignoring affectionate couple in pub

You would be surprised how many times a month someone makes a comment about how great my marriage is or how its ‘couple goals’. While I appreciate the sentiment, it’s not actual life. No relationship is perfect, despite what social media may display. We may not fight but trust me we do get on each other’s nerves on occasion. He leaves lights on in EVERY SINGLE ROOM, I like to put my cold hands on him to warm them up. You know, typical stuff.

My point is, stop comparing your life or your relationships to people you view on social media, in magazines or on television. You do realize they are all only showing you the parts they want you to see right? Well except the people with the vague comments and posts that they hope their significant other sees that lets everyone else but them know there is a problem. But I digress. There are people who waste time comparing themselves to others they don’t even know instead of enjoying what they have right in front of them!

Since we are on the subject, let’s talk about the single people as well. A lot of single people watch couples on social media and let it make them feel less than. Why? Just because someone has a significant other does not mean they are happy with that person or their lives. So many of us wasted so much time wishing and searching for a man that we missed out on a lot of life.

How many times have you passed on an invitation to go somewhere or try something new just because you didn’t have a date? Forget that! You are missing out on so many experiences and memories to be made.

I personally recall avoiding several events back in the day because I didn’t want to feel out of place attending alone. You know what ends up happening? People finally stop inviting you or you look back and realize all the things you missed out on experiencing. Life is not meant to be put on hold until you are part of a couple. The more life you live as a single person, the more well rounded you will be when

By on

Independent women are too intimidating, they will never find a man. Who started this anyway? A man who was too afraid to deal with a strong, independent woman probably. We have been hearing this nonsense for ages. Yet strong, driven women continue to date, get engaged and marry men who deal with them just fine.

We must stop letting this nonsense make us try to make ourselves smaller, make us try to dull our shine. We were meant to stand out and make amazing impact on this world – any man that tries to make us feel otherwise is not the man we should be with anyway.

The right man will see your brilliance and do everything possible to support and encourage your continued elevation. Find that man and ignore the rest. A man that makes you feel you should be ashamed of wanting to constantly evolve would not survive the trip anyway!

Young Beautiful Lady Run On Sea Or Ocean Beach In Water Splash.

By on

Ok I admit, I didn’t even know who YoungBoy was prior to all the shenanigans when the story broke about his girlfriend. If you have been missing out on your social media updates, the feeds were full of updates regarding him allegedly forcing his girlfriend to sleep in a hotel lobby while he entertained other women in his hotel room. Of course, someone took pictures of her and posted them online, but she further fueled the fire by making videos trying to say everyone was blowing it out of proportion. Later more photos surfaced of him taking her shopping to make it up to her.

Everyone is in a tizzy about this, but lets look at it realistically.

• First, she is only 17 so perhaps she just does not have the maturity yet to fully know her worth. Let’s be honest, there are grown women who have accepted some of the same treatment if not more for years.

• We are not in their relationship, perhaps they had a clear understanding from the very beginning that there would be some type of open door policy.

• In her mind, this may be all she thinks she deserves. Or worse, she may see it as a sign of someone who really loves her.

Now on some grown woman ish, lets be brutally honest. How many of us know grown women who accept being disrespected on the regular?? This is not some weird thing that only happens when a man is a celebrity. We have all been there – perhaps not to this degree – but we were probably fortunate enough to have friends, family or dang strangers ready to shake some sense into us.

In that light, perhaps instead of bashing her, we should pray for her. Hopefully someone close to her can be there for her when she really concludes she deserves better. But as women, we have got to stop bashing and start supporting and guiding the younger generation into the type of women they truly have the capability to be.