Several of us are working to increase our individual platform presence, but I am starting to wonder if that is more detrimental than helpful overall. How many times have you been scrolling through the comments on a post, video or blog and realized there was an alarming amount of negativity spread throughout?

There are content creators I follow who deal with constant criticism via comments or direct messages, some going as far as creating entire websites to bash creators they don’t like or agree with! While the negative behavior may be in the minority, its still a lot to deal with.

It is really easy to tell people to just ignore it, but not entirely realistic. As content creators, you want to engage with your audience. Otherwise, you just feel as if you are standing on a soap box spouting your opinion instead of building a community.

I have observed creators take a break from their platforms for awhile if they feel like the negative behavior is too much for them. Others simply have an assistant or someone they trust weed through comments so that they don’t even see the negativity and give it a chance to impact them. And yes, there really are some creators who say they don’t read any of it, ever.

For some reason people seem to forget that we are all humans with actual feelings. The keyboard has given people some sort of ‘keyboard warrior’ syndrome where they think it is perfectly alright to bash people for any reason they can think of from their looks, content, beliefs or anything else for that matter.

While we cant really stop them entirely, (outside of blocking them of course 😊) we can definitely try to focus more on the positive followers than the negative. I know sometimes its hard to do, but what is that old saying? Better a bird in the hand? If we give too much attention to the naysayers, we are giving away energy our real tribe deserves. So please whatever you do, do not let them stop you, from being you. Keep showing up, in whatever way you choose, on any platform you choose. Because in the end, there is only one you and not everyone deserves to stand in your light.

As hard as it may be to believe, we only have about 4½ months left in 2021! Considering how much this year has thrown at us so far, that could be a relief to some in the overall scheme of things right?

Well as much as we may be ready to swipe the slate clean of this year, there are still some things to think about. How many of your goals have you really been working on and how many stalled in motion months ago? Things happen, I get it. But stumbling is no reason to throw in the towel. So, you may not be exactly where you wanted to be at this point in the year, the question is, what are you going to do about it? Here are a few steps to help you get back in the game:

  • Find your original goal list to reassess what you planned as well as your status on each item. There is always a chance that some of your goals have changed over the past few months.
  • Didn’t have a written plan in the first place? That’s ok, take the time to write one now. I know, I know, some people make fun of writing it down. But it works, ok? Putting it in writing helps you determine what is important to you. Changing it from a thought to a goal.
  • Now, take those goals and break them down. What small things can you do each day, week, or month to put the wheels in motion?
  • Let’s take it a step further now, put concrete dates next to each of those goals. For example, if you want to go back to school, lets be proactive here. You will research schools and make a choice by a certain date. Enroll by another date. Etc. You get the idea.
  • Find an accountability partner if needed. This can be your spouse, best friend or a relative. It doesn’t matter. But it needs to be someone you trust. Someone that will hold you to the fire when you make excuses not to meet your preset goal dates. They will also be some of the first people that you can celebrate your wins with!

This list is just a guideline to get you refocused. But let’s be honest, it really will come down to you making the decision to stop making excuses and go after the life you truly desire. What is your go to method of reaching goals? Do you have a particular goal for 2021 you still want to reach? Drop me a message, I would love to hear all about your plan of action. Let’s do this!

How many times have you been in a conversation, and someone mentioned something that you have always wanted to do? Perhaps they mentioned doing yoga, traveling more, or going back to school. The possibilities are endless. Your brain clicked and you recalled how many times you have said you would do such and such. You know, when you are married, when you make more money, when your kids are out of the house….

How do you know you even have until tomorrow to keep putting off the things you want to do? Recently I saw a meme that really gave me pause, so I looked it up to see if I could determine who said it:

‘Procrastination is the arrogant assumption that God owes you another chance to do tomorrow what He gave you the chance to do today.’ ~Bishop Rosie O’Neal

Really gives you something to think about, doesn’t it? If you knew your this was your last day on earth, how many regrets would you have? Then stop making excuses! Yes, some of your goals may seem really big, so what? Stop looking at the big overall puzzle and instead think of it as looking at one small corner. I know you put puzzles together as a child. Some you were able to do in no time, others may have taken days, weeks or even months. But you did it one piece at a time. Same principle applies here. Figure out one small piece of the puzzle that you can do this week that will help you get one of your goals started in the right direction. Do it. Now, what is the next piece you need? The possibilities are endless if you would simply get out of your own way.

This damn pandemic has caused a lot of change for everyone, especially the inability to interact with people like normal. Due to that lack of social interaction, I have been working hard to increase the way I reach out to others. Since the pandemic started well over a year ago, I have made it a point to send more cards and gifts to people because I really wanted to make sure people felt cared about and seen in such a trying time.

What has been interesting have been the responses, or lack thereof. There are a lot of people who just never even bother to acknowledge a gift received, not even just simply to confirm they got it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean children. Children get a free pass, because well, they are children. But grown ass adults are another thing altogether.

While venting about this recently to my husband, he tried to get me to see it differently by reminding me I give without expecting anything in return. That part is true, I have always liked getting people gifts and I do not ever feel that requires getting a gift back. HOWEVER. I do expect acknowledgement of my effort. Even if you don’t like the gift you can say, hey thanks for thinking of me.

The more time I have spent thinking about this lately, my mind has changed a lot. I felt like I was doing this to make others feel less alone, but I realize I was also doing it so that I felt less alone as well.

The petty side of me says if someone is not appreciative, do not ever send them anything else, stop wasting time on people who don’t care about your feelings. The nurturing side keeps arguing that point like the Angel on the other shoulder. Stopping only means changing who I am, and you really do not want to let a few people change your inner light. Be who you are, even if you must find the right people who will appreciate that person.

Sometimes even the strongest women need someone else to be strong for them. The woman that always seems to be able to handle everything, is not handling as much as you think. When you envy the woman that seems to achieve so much more than you do, take a moment to see past the veil.

Some of us are simply better at appearing to have it all together than others. You have no idea how many emotional breakdowns she has behind closed doors. How often she may feel completely overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and deadlines on her plate.

You may be looking up to her while she is secretly putting herself down and fighting her own insecurities and doubts. What you see as great or amazing, she may see as her failure that day, week or month. You know her. She is the strong friend, the one that is always there for everyone. But rarely asks anyone else for help or just a shoulder to cry on.

We spend so much time as women competing instead of supporting one another. Do your girlfriends know what they mean to you? Do they know that you would be there for them if they ever need someone to talk to?

When people are gone, we cover their social media sites with all the love and adoration we have for them. Let them know how you feel now. What is that old saying? Give them their flowers while they can still smell them. Stop taking each day for granted and let the people close to you, know what they mean to you.

When it comes to your relationship, you may be happy and perhaps even still in that honeymoon phase. But what if that changes tomorrow? For whatever reason, your significant other may blindside you out of nowhere and decide they want out. Are you prepared?

Truth be told, as women, we sometimes expect happily ever after to be just like the fairy tales we read growing up. You know, really be happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s just not always reality. So, let’s take a moment and really think about it.

Emotionally

Are your friends still your friends, or have you gotten so caught up in the we that you forgot about the me? When was the last time you hung out with your girlfriends or lost track of time on the phone? Most of them were there before you met him so why have you stopped keeping them high on your priority list as well? Keep in mind, if your relationship ends tomorrow, these are the same people that you will need to cry, vent or drink with!

Have you maintained your interests? You know the things you were passionate about. Your dreams, hobbies and career goals. Just because you became a couple does not mean who you are must be completely given up. Do you think men give up all their interests just because of you? Then why do we? Its mostly just something engrained in us from childhood that makes us want to make our lives 100% about someone else. But what ends up happening is that we then start looking at someone else to make us happy and that’s just not their responsibility.

Financially

If only I had a dime for every time a woman stayed with a man simply because she didn’t feel she could survive on her own. Well what if you don’t have a choice? What if he just leaves? Are you going to be ok? If you know you won’t be, do something about it now. Find a supplemental income or change careers if you need to. If things end unexpectedly you do not want to stress about how you will manage on top of being an emotional basket case.

Physically

Why is it when a man leaves, we go through this sudden need to completely revamp ourselves? Suddenly we lose weight, change our hair or our clothing in effort to show him what he’s missing. While that’s all fine and good, why can’t we that now? Don’t be complacent in how you take care of yourself or maintain your confidence, only to have to get it all body slammed later. Whether in a relationship or out, always make sure you are doing the work to maintain your confidence at its highest level. And no, I’m not saying everyone has to lose weight to do that. Some women are happy in the skin they are in. But if that’s not you, let’s put in the work now.

I guess my point is this. If you are suddenly blind sided by a relationship ending. I want you to be prepared and able to dust your self off and tell him to keep stepping. Yes, it will be an emotional roller coaster for you, we have all been there at some point. But make sure you have what it takes to handle your life just find when the dust settles.

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The latest episode of Married at First Sight was a little slow for the series. There were not really any dramatic events or stand out moments. For the most part it was insightful and a nice way to continue to set up the season.

Olivia and Brett

Brett, Brett, Brett. What can I say? He does not disappoint in bad behavior. First, he seemed to have issue with the fact that Olivia makes a lot more money than he does. As well as his objection to the idea that she believes she should enjoy life the way she chooses to with her money. She travels a lot, eats out a lot and tries new things. Apparently, this did not sit well with him. This week’s episode saw him  get quite defensive when asked to rate his marriage on a scale of 1 to 10, then proceed to act like a pouting child to Olivia because he was pushed to answer, not by her, but by the others. So of course, it was her fault. Duh! Then he was apparently also upset that he overheard her rate them at a 7 ½. Not sure what score he expected. Heck I was surprised she rated it that high considering his less than stellar performance thus far. She ended up in tears and he did absolutely nothing to stop her leaving the room or at least try to console her in the moment.

Amelia and Bennett

These two continue to move along quite well. This week mostly shows them continue to try to get to know each other, discuss their childhoods and even flirt a little. Well, in the ways they know how to flirt. 😊 Its rather endearing to watch honestly. They even took the time to build a fort in their room to tell scary stories and sleep in. Of course, Amelia eventually falls asleep during one of his longer dialogues, to which he promptly wakes her up so he can continue. When she falls asleep again, he does at least let her sleep.

Christina and Henry

They are both still very awkward when it comes to attempts to communicate with each other. Honestly, I am starting to wonder if production does not like Christina. It almost appears that they purposely show us when she is acting her worse simply because they have had enough of her. At several points when they attempt to ask her a question, she visibly looks annoyed with them, rolls her eyes or gives a death glare. Not to mention snapping at one of them because they called her Christine instead of Christina. Ouch! Henry better make sure he stays on this girl’s good side! They do manage to do some of the activities and mingle with the others, but at this point there is absolutely zero affection of any kind happening between them. That alone is a little concerning regarding what will happen when they leave paradise and get back to reality.

Amani and Woody

These two. As of now, they are still getting along well. Being incredibly open with each other. Lots of affection and romance. One thing I can say, Woody is definitely putting in the effort to make Amani feel special and important to him. Hopefully, he keeps that up as time goes on, sometimes guys start off that way but then change once they feel they have locked a woman down so to speak. But I have high hopes for them continuing to evolve. One highlight to this week’s episode, was that these two ended up consummating their marriage on the final night of the honeymoon. As a matter of a fact, it seems they are the only ones to do so thus far. And they were just as cute and loving with each other the next morning that it was difficult to watch without smiling in anticipation of what’s to come for them.

Karen and Miles

You know, this is another couple I have high hopes for. I really like both of them, but again this week Karen confuses me with her thought process. Miles felt it was time to be really open with some things that she should know, as his wife. He confided that he has been diagnosed with clinical depression that requires he be on medication. She takes this as him not necessarily being the type of strong man she wanted. The problem I have with that analogy is simple. We have made black men feel they should be hard so much that any sign of emotion is treated as a weakness. Because of that, a lot of them hold a lot in, which is not good for either party in the long run. I admire the fact that he knew he had a problem and he did something about it. He did something to take care of his mental well-being which takes strength sometimes. But this is only the honeymoons, hopefully once they get home and really get to know each other she will see how great they are as a couple.

 

(*Photo Credit: Lifetime.com)

How often do you really take time to self-reflect and figure out who you really are and what you really want out of this life? We all do those mirror checks where we critique the outside and find all our perceived flaws, but what about the inside? Who we thought we were or what we thought we wanted changes overtime, as we age, gain experience and go through life’s ups and downs.

I am pushing 50 sooner than I would like, and my body aches remind me at every opportunity. However, so many people tell me that by the time you do get to 50 you really know yourself and the opinions of other people just do not matter as much. Hopefully, that is true. To help that along, I have taken to meditating a lot, practicing beginners’ yoga and leaning into manifestation more than ever before. My goal right now is to really listen to my inner voice more, learn what I want and stop leaning towards what everyone else wants more than my own needs. As women, we tend to do that more often than we should.

What we wanted and who we were in our young adulthood may have drastically changed over time, I know I have. The super shy, insecure girl is still there inside, but now she has so much life experience that she has evolved into several shades of her former self. Being in tune with those changes will help guide me on the right path for my future.

Today I challenge you to just take some time, despite your crazy schedule, and just look inside. Start assessing who the woman you are today is and what you want out of this crazy thing called life.

Woman Meditating, Relaxing In Yoga Pose At Sunset, Zen Meditatio

Friends Chilling Out Enjoying Meal In Restaurant. Group Of Happy

How many people have ended a relationship or a marriage and lost friends in the process? Trust me, you are not alone. We have all been there. Some people do not bother to hear both sides of a situation before choosing sides and that is unfortunate. I guess some people do not take into account that one person could very well be embellishing or out and out lying to make themselves look more like the victim than the villain they may have really been.

Now you have a situation where friends choose to believe and cling to one while dismissing the other. Like all the time you spent with them, the laughter, tears and support of each other through the years just went out the window. Sometimes we must acknowledge that some people were just meant for a season of our lives, not the entirety of it. And as hard as it is to hear, some people were acquaintances, not friends.

My theory is always this, if the friendship really meant a lot to you. Make an honest effort to share your feelings with that person. But I wouldn’t beg them to believe me or my side of the story.  Some friendships are worth putting in the effort, some or not. Because sometimes, instead of fighting you can just chalk it up as a lesson learned. Now you know that person is only a friend in the sunshine, but not good for the storms of your life. Straighten your crown and keep moving forward like the Queen you are.

Have you ever ghosted a friend simply based on what their ex said about them? Without even hearing their side. Perhaps now is a good time to reach out, apologize and be a real friend. Before its too late, tomorrow is not promised.

Top View Of Female Home Office With Copy Space In Center. Clipbo

I maintain not one, but two task lists daily. Don’t judge me. One for my job, the other for my personal goals. At the end of any given day, it’s normal to find the work list completed. However, the personal list will sometimes have several things left unchecked. Inevitably, the day goes by, I decide I am tired or stressed and those things can wait. So of course, those items move from day to day before I finally get them done. That is ridiculous!

Think of it this way. The items on my work list get done, because someone will hold me accountable in the hierarchy of my company. However, there is no one making sure the personal items get done. You know why? Because of the lack of accountability.

I realized something tonight, with all my business ventures, I am the boss. Meaning, I am the person that should be holding me accountable. If I had a staff and gave them a list of things to do, I would not be too happy about the items that they just casually put off day after day. So why am I accepting that behavior of myself? The bottom line is, I must start making the completion of items on that checklist just as important. Stop making excuses and start making progress. Otherwise, the truth of the matter is I am just putting my goals further and further off track and essentially saying they just are not that important.

Are you procrastinating things that are important to your personal goals? Perhaps its time you take a good hard look at how you prioritize the things on your list as well. If you ran out of time on this thing called life, would you really feel like you put in your all for the things you really wanted to accomplish?