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Independent Women Too Intimidating?

Independent women are too intimidating, they will never find a man. Who started this anyway? A man who was too afraid to deal with a strong, independent woman probably. We have been hearing this nonsense for ages. Yet strong, driven women continue to date, get engaged and marry men who deal with them just fine.

We must stop letting this nonsense make us try to make ourselves smaller, make us try to dull our shine. We were meant to stand out and make amazing impact on this world – any man that tries to make us feel otherwise is not the man we should be with anyway.

The right man will see your brilliance and do everything possible to support and encourage your continued elevation. Find that man and ignore the rest. A man that makes you feel you should be ashamed of wanting to constantly evolve would not survive the trip anyway!

Young Beautiful Lady Run On Sea Or Ocean Beach In Water Splash.

Why You? Why Not You?

Blogging

Lately I have found myself spending a lot of time explaining the blogging process to others and one thing just keeps coming up, a lack of confidence. There are so many people afraid to do something based on their own fears of inadequacy. Why would anyone read my work? Who am I to try to tell anyone how to do anything? Why me? Well, Why Not You??

See, here’s the thing – If you don’t believe in yourself; of course, it is hard to imagine anyone else doing it! But I can’t say this enough. Everyone has a story to tell. You may not be an expert in your field, but you are an expert in being you! Stop focusing so much time on what other people will think of you giving advice on anything and just do it. The more you write, the more your knowledge increases and eventually your experience as an expert of your own written thought process.

Think of it this way, what are you an expert at? You are a single mom? Of course, you are not the only single mom in the world, but you are the only single mom of your children. Based on that information you will have unique stories, challenges and triumphs that apply specifically to you and the children you are raising. Believe it or not, there are brand new single moms out there who could use that information and insight as they try to put aside their own fears of being a bad parent. Your stories can assure them they are doing their best or help them through the mistakes we have all made at some point!

So again, why you? Because you are uniquely made and the only person to give insight into your personal experiences! So, what are you waiting for??

Not Everyone Will Support Your Next Level!

You are finally making all the changes you have talked about forever. Instead of just talking the talk, you are walking the walk. The weird thing is, not everyone seems to be happy for you. Sometimes you would be surprised who supports you evolving and who may try to ambush your forward motion. If you are feeling the backlash of your attempts to move to the next level, here are a few steps to help you out.

• Know when it’s time to let go. For some people, change is quite simply overrated. They are much more content staying in the same place with as little change to life as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes that person also feels threatened by your need to change. If you have already tried talking to someone to explain what your changes mean to you and requested their support to no avail, it may simply be time to accept they will never be there in the capacity you hoped for and let go.

• Negative Energy is just a waste of time and energy. You know the people I mean, they never seem to be happy about anything, anywhere, anytime. Ever. If you know someone is always super negative, you may want to try to limit some of your interactions with them to shorter time spans whenever possible. Sometimes there are people you simply can’t eliminate entirely because you work with them or perhaps they are family. But you can certainly try to keep your interactions to a minimum whenever possible. All that negative energy takes a toll and limits your energy which in turn impacts your progress in the things you are trying to do.

• Love from a distance. Some people mean well, they really do. But they don’t always understand that putting down your efforts to change or constantly trying to question why is not supportive. In their minds they may really think holding you back is in your best interest. While you may love your Aunt Jane, her constant attempts to convince you that women belong at home in the kitchen can become annoying. Loving someone does not mean you need to do so up close and personal on a regular basis. If you need to pull back for your own sanity, do so.

• Seasons change. We have all heard the sayings about people being in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. As much as it may hurt, sometimes we just must accept that someone’s season is over. Let me give you an example, one friend I met a long time ago during a very dark period in my life seemed great, until I started to move on and make changes to get out of that darkness. Finally, I had to accept that she preferred me down or depressed because that’s how she always was. My changes were like a threat to the friendship, as they say negativity breeds negativity.

How do you typically handle people who don’t support your attempts to improve or get better? Have you ever let it make you give up entirely?

Take a Rest Recreation Carefree Concept

The Royal Wedding

LOS ANGELES - JAN 19:  Meghan Markle at the NBC TCA Winter 2014

As the Royal Wedding draws near, there is a lot of media frenzy around the bride’s estranged family. Although it has been noted in several venues that Meghan has not spoken to several of the relatives on her fathers side in several years, much less spent any time with them, they keep speaking out. Of course, all the interviews and social media outreach they have done has been negative and disparaging against Meghan.

Now the question is, what could they possibly have to say, what insight could they possibly really give about someone that they have not spoken to or seen in years?? Of course, in this instance it really could just be people trying very hard to get their 15 minutes of fame. Or perhaps there is simply some jealousy there, because why should she have all this attention and fame? How dare she? What makes her so special?

Perhaps what they really need to realize and accept is Meghan put in the work to take her career exactly where she wanted to go prior to any relationship. There is no reason her extended family could not buckle down and pursue their own goals if they wanted to reach accomplishments in their field. As far as her relationship, she met someone and fell in love. Should she feel guilty because of his status or because of who he is? Should she not marry him and forgo happiness just to make them feel better about themselves? Of course not.

At the same time, they are trying really hard to make her look like a villain for not inviting them to her wedding. But let’s get real. Why on earth would you want people at your wedding that you have not spoken to in years, have no real relationship with and who drags your name through the mud at the first chance they get??

While most of us are not celebrities having weddings of this stature, the same principle applies to us. Your wedding is meant to be a special day for you and your significant other to celebrate your love and commitment with the people closest to you in life. You should not have to feel obligated to invite people simply to avoid them saying negative things about you or to appease what people think. What experience have you had with your wedding or those of others that included negative antics from family? How was it handled? Do you have any advice for Meghan as she launches into the next phase of her life as a new bride?

Fixing Her Crown

We have all heard the saying that real queens fix each other’s crowns. Yep, it’s a great hashtag – makes a pretty good meme as well. But how many of us can really say that’s what we do day in and day out? While I would like to believe we all start out with the best intentions, we fall short, myself included. But let’s think about it, if we all looked in the mirror and truly chose to try to support, encourage and love on other women every day what an impact that could really make? Let’s just look at a few ways we can fix another woman’s crown starting now:

• Stop Sipping Tea – In other words, don’t gossip about another woman behind her back, even if all you do is listen and laugh you are still complicit. If you are in the company of others putting someone down, first try to change the subject, if that does not work perhaps you should remove yourself. Just as you would not like finding out a so-called friend was bad mouthing you behind your back, they would be just as bothered by that behavior from you.

• Set the Foundation – Make sure that another woman knows who you are and that she can count on you, I mean really count on you. If you say you will do something, you do it. If you say you will be somewhere, you will be there with bells on. Real friends are quite often the one person you have that you can talk to about everything: the guy that just dumped you, the promotion you didn’t get, the financial problems you are experiencing. When times are hard a woman wants someone she can count on, not someone who is only there when it suits them.

• Honor Code – Tell them the truth, do not lie to them and set them up to get really hurt in the long run! If she is falling for a guy and telling you all the warning signs she see’s do not lie to her and try to convince her those signs aren’t real! It’s better to be there for her and tell her the truth now than watch her get cheated on, abused or taken advantage of in the long run. The same goes for when she is wrong about something. You know how it is, they are telling us their side of an argument and instead of telling her she needs to go back and apologize we encourage her to stay on the wrong track!

• Encourage, Love & Support – There is enough room for all of us to succeed: at life, love, careers whatever it is we want to do. Don’t ever let jealousy or envy fester in your heart. Yeah, we all may feel it a time or two, but acknowledge it and let go of it. Your time will come. Encourage another woman to go after everything she deserves, support her when she stumbles and love her through it all. If she is a good friend, she will do the same for you as you try to reach your goals in life. Yes, we all like to say we don’t need anyone, we can do it on our own. But think about how much joy there is in doing it together, cheering each other in the process!

What other ways can you help fix another woman’s crown? I would love to hear your thoughts!

pretty brunette woman wearing crown

Stop with the Negativity!

 

Some conversations drain you. Let’s just be honest, some people drain you. The negative, angry with the world thing can be too much and zap all your energy out. Recently after looking forward to an event, I lost all excitement in less than an hour, I kid you not. It was a barrage of one person after another complaining about everything. Like aren’t you happy about anything in your life?? Anything?

 

The thing some of us try to avoid is simply cutting people or situations out of our lives. But sometimes, it’s just what is best for us and our wellbeing. Now obviously there are some people and situations you must deal with, but you can definitely try to limit the time required to a minimum.

 

Now be really honest with yourself, are you the negative one in your group? The person who is never happy about anything? You may be and not even realize it. Think about your recent interactions with other people and the things you contributed to the conversation. Was any of it positive and upbeat? Or looking back did it just seem like frustration and complaints about everything?

 

Even if you are the culprit, you can change that. Starting now. Start looking at the things in your life that you have gratitude about. I don’t care how small it may seem. Feeling frustrated about someone giving you attitude at work? Remember you have a job while others are trying hard to find one. Annoyed your husband left the bathroom in disarray yet again? There are widows and divorcees wishing for those moments again. You get the idea. For every negative thought, try to find a positive – even if its just the cup of coffee you are going to go have while you reset your thoughts!

 

What steps can you do today to make sure you are not the person others dread interacting with?

negative

Women Doing it for Themselves (Part 3)

It’s the end of the year, that time when so many of us start to reevaluate our goals for the new year. Instead of waiting, why not start right now?! Tomorrow is not promised.

As promised, this is the final chapter in my series on women who have already jumped in the fire with both feet in an effort to achieve their dreams. Meet Rachelle Jean-Batiste, owner and operator of ‘For Goodness Cake’.

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As successful as she is now, Rachelle never really considered going into business for herself with baked goods. She was quite content selling for a national make-up company when a friend asked her to attend a cake decorating class with her at a craft store. Unbeknownst to that friend the only thing Rachelle really heard was ‘eat & shop’ 🙂

Later she posted a photo of a cake she had done only to be surprised when someone inquired about ordering one. A freind suggested going into business together and the vision was born. However that freind kept procrastinating and taking so long that Rachelle finally decided to make a go on her own. She prayed about a name and the dream began.

That initial class really only taught her the basics so she had to learn the rest on her own. Between YouTube and Internet research she taught herself everything she needed to know.

During all of this her strongest supporter has been her husband. Rachelle credits him as being the one to motivate her at every turn. As she states, he could be flat on the ground and he would still use his last breath to encourage her!

The one word she would say describes her: Confident.

Rachelle’s Empowerment Song is ‘I’m Blessed’ by Charlie Wilson. That song is especially encouraging when she hits obstacles. Her biggest obstacle to date is that she is her own worse critic! Luckily her husband is always there to reassure her!

Rachelle’s advice to other women considering making that leap is simple:

  • Don’t give up!
  • Don’t let other people talk you out of things.
  • Failure is an option. Take that failure and learn from it!
  • Always avoid negativity.

As of now Rachelle is gearing up for the holidays, you can view her work here: https://www.facebook.com/ForGoodnessCake.yummm/ and view her holiday specials on the flyer below.

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