Author: ericaregina

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For the love of everything holy, please stop comparing your relationship to the version of someone else’s you see on the internet! You do realize that most people only show you the good times, right? And let’s not even talk about the fact that quite often, a lot of what you see is not even the good times, it’s just the version of reality they want to put out there.

As of late, several high-profile couples have called it quits to the astonishment of their fans. They were such a perfect couple; they just can’t believe this could happen. Reality is, most of the time, we have absolutely no idea what goes on behind closed doors. Those so-called perfect couples may be going through a lot. Disrespect, infidelity, abuse or more.

High profile or not, as soon as a couple makes it clear they have parted ways, everyone has something to say. People jump on the comment section or in their DM’s trying to convince them to forgive the person and just make it work because they just looked so good together. Key word, looked. They may have looked good together, but obviously something needed to be addressed if they have called it quits. Unless you are simply praying for their wellbeing, what is the point of putting all that pressure on people? Don’t you think they are going through enough without having to deal with every random person’s opinions?

The next time you compare your relationship to someone else’s, keep that old saying in mind. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Water your lawn and stop wishing for something that may just be much worse than your current reality.

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If you are watching the latest season of Married at First Sight, you already know all about Chris and Paige. They have been the most talked about couple since episode one. Unfortunately, it is not because they make such a wonderful match. Instead, they are the talk of every episode because of all the foul things Chris has either done or said to his new bride.

First, he was not very subtle from the beginning when he made it clear she was not his type. However, that did not seem to stop him from sleeping with her, multiple times, without protection. He has exhibited all the behavior we all have experienced at some point from someone who manipulates you every step of the way. He confesses he is still in love with his ex and wants to be with her. Yet he keeps communicating with Paige and giving her false hope of a future he has no intention of giving her.

At this point, most of us have washed our hands of the whole thing. We started off feeling sorry for Paige and wanting her to have a do over. Lately, several of us have been finding ourselves annoyed with her for continuing to keep letting him lead her on. But at some point, the question must be, where are her friends?? Are her friends simply not aware of what is happening? Is she keeping them all in the dark? What is happening?

We all have that one friend who gives it to us straight, no chaser. The one that would grab us and shake us if need be. Why aren’t her friends helping her through this? Or maybe they have tried, and that part is edited out.

True enough, sometimes our friends try to talk to us, and we just make excuse after excuse for accepting less than we deserve. Mostly just because we would rather make excuses and hold on rather than start over with someone new. Sometimes, we must make up our minds all on our own. Hopefully, before this season is over, Paige will decide she is a Queen who deserves someone who makes her his number one priority. When that happens, her friends will be right there to help her straighten her crown.

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After only a year of marriage, Hannah’s new husband suddenly disappears. The only contact is a short note delivered to her with only two words: Protect her. She intuitively knows the ‘her’ he is referring to is his 16-year-old daughter. The same 16-year-old who hates having her as a new stepmother and wants absolutely nothing to do with her. She has been alone with her dad since her mother’s death when she was extremely young.

Both the FBI and US Marshalls are also looking for her husband, apparently his boss has been arrested for suspicion of illegal activities and they need to know if he was involved or aware of everything.

In between fielding questions from law enforcement as well as trying to find her husband, Hannah is digging into Owen’s past to figure out if she ever really knew the man she married.

The book pulls you in and makes you want to find out what happened. It is one of those things that make you second guess whirlwind romances and quick marriages. Can you ever really know someone in a short time? True she loved her husband, but as it turns out, there was a lot she did not know. On top of that, she is left to deal with all the bombshells while trying to care for a resentful teenager who wants nothing to do with her and lashes out as any normal teenager might do.

While I did enjoy the book, I admit I was not crazy about the ending. Some things are resolved, just not necessarily the way you may hope. If you are looking for a good page turner that will keep you pulled in until the end, it does the job.

Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book in return for an honest review.

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Spoilers Ahead:

Well, I saw this one being compared to books like ‘Gone Girl’, but I would not go that far. A highly successful attorney is working the most important case of her career, defending her husband for the murder of his mistress. The mistress that was found dead in their bed at their second home. It’s a decent book, with lots of twists and turns you probably would not see coming. However, if you read a lot of books in this genre, you will probably figure out who did it early on.

Pros: The book keeps your interest and you do want to finish it. It’s perfect if you like to see someone extract revenge on someone that did them wrong. In this case, it’s a wife that works extremely hard to afford the luxury lifestyle she and her husband live. Multiple homes, luxury cars, designer clothes… He in turn has written one book that was a success, every book since then has bombed. He convinces her to purchase a home out in the country with beautiful views and lots of quiet to work on his writing. However, instead of just writing, he starts a long affair with a local waitress in the area.

Cons: There are a lot of moments when things are just so farfetched it does not even make sense. She goes through a lot of trouble to exact revenge on her cheating husband and pulls the wool over everyone’s eyes in the process. The investigation must have been extremely lax that not one clue was found, and she was never even considered a suspect, not once.  Not only that, but it turns out she has been a master at killing people with no suspicion since she was young and killed her mother?

While I’m all for a woman making him regret he ever screwed over her, it was a lot. He didn’t just go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit, he ended up dying by lethal injection. It’s an interesting read, when you have some free time and just want to get lost in something else, just be prepared to understand that some things are seriously farfetched.

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I know, I know, not my usual content. But I watched a reality show recently (big surprise) where something piqued my interest. Not a big surprise for me, I know. 

The spouse had done something for the wife to help her out, basically handling a situation for her with her mother. Afterwards he made a comment asking if what he did was worth sex. She pretty much blew off the comment and told him to go to his office.

Since that time, I have seen a lot of banter on social media in multiple groups. Some people felt blowing off his comment was the same as basically pushing him to cheat. The general thought being if he is asking and you say no you are literally telling him to go somewhere else. Especially since there have been allegations in the past of him stepping out.

But let’s look at this. Are we really saying that women can never say no to a man or he will cheat? Is that really what we want to teach our daughters? You must always do what he wants when he wants, or else? There are going to be times when we are tired or just not in the mood. The response is not retaliation by cheating, its contribution. What do I mean by that? Well, if she is tired, have you considered what she does in a day and thought of ways to help out? Perhaps handling the kids for a while so she can have a break or handling some of her tasks to free her up a bit. If she is not in the mood, have you considered your approach? Are you romancing her, seducing her or just groping and trying to pounce? Most of us, take a little time to warm up. Think preheating an oven instead of the zap of a microwave.

Beyond that, it is definitely not an excuse to cheat. At any time one spouse is unhappy, the key is to communicate the concerns. The response is not to just ignore your vows and do whatever or whoever you want. Because let’s be honest, as a man, you would have a fit if she did the same!

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We all know at least one. Maybe we dated them. Or perhaps they just happen to be family or friends. Either way, its sometimes hard to walk away at the first red flags. And there are a lot of them. Let’s look at a few shall we?

  1. He is a Liar. And I do not just mean the occasional lie. He lies a lot, about everything. Big things, little things, stupid things. It is almost like he has no idea how to do anything but lie! I distinctly recall dating a guy who I had dead to rights on a simple question I asked him about something I found at his place. He lied through his teeth while looking me directly in the eye and gave me BS details to elaborate his story. How did I know he was lying? I found the receipt as well but didn’t bother to tell him that part before asking the question. Never even saw the point in telling him that I knew he was lying either. What would be the point? To hear more lies?
  2. He Loves Himself. Now don’t get me wrong, self-love is important. But a narcissist loves himself more than he could ever love you. He may tell you he loves you, but his actions do not reflect what his mouth is saying. Saying it and showing it are two vastly different things.
  3. Controlling. The narcissist needs to feel in control of everything about you; from the way you look to the way you speak. He needs to know where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. When the man you are with starts wanting to change everything about you, be concerned. Several years ago, I was with someone that liked to tell me how long my dresses needed to be, how my hair should be styled and didn’t like me wearing makeup. So, I changed all those things. Once I was out of that situation, my family was ecstatic to see the real me come back out of the shell I had retreated to.
  4. Table Turner. You know the type. They can do something to hurt you, yet when you confront them, they completely turn it back around on you. Let me give you an example, let’s say you find clear evidence he is cheating on you. Instead of apologizing or admitting any wrongdoing, he starts to get upset with you for some insecurities on your part or accuses you of snooping to find this out in the first place. Really? That’s what we are going to focus on?
  5. What he wants is always more important. For the narcissist, what he wants always takes precedence in any situation. And I don’t just mean in little things like where you should go for dinner. I’m talking about the big things as well. Let’s say you live in a state you love, but he decides its time to move somewhere else. With no discussion as a team, he just makes a decision. When he presents it to you, its more of a take it or leave it option. Either way, he is moving. Take a moment to evaluate, is everything always about what he wants or needs? That should concern you. Relationships are give and take. Not take and take.

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Sometimes even the strongest women need someone else to be strong for them. The woman that always seems to be able to handle everything, is not handling as much as you think. When you envy the woman that seems to achieve so much more than you do, take a moment to see past the veil.

Some of us are simply better at appearing to have it all together than others. You have no idea how many emotional breakdowns she has behind closed doors. How often she may feel completely overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and deadlines on her plate.

You may be looking up to her while she is secretly putting herself down and fighting her own insecurities and doubts. What you see as great or amazing, she may see as her failure that day, week or month. You know her. She is the strong friend, the one that is always there for everyone. But rarely asks anyone else for help or just a shoulder to cry on.

We spend so much time as women competing instead of supporting one another. Do your girlfriends know what they mean to you? Do they know that you would be there for them if they ever need someone to talk to?

When people are gone, we cover their social media sites with all the love and adoration we have for them. Let them know how you feel now. What is that old saying? Give them their flowers while they can still smell them. Stop taking each day for granted and let the people close to you, know what they mean to you.

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When it comes to your relationship, you may be happy and perhaps even still in that honeymoon phase. But what if that changes tomorrow? For whatever reason, your significant other may blindside you out of nowhere and decide they want out. Are you prepared?

Truth be told, as women, we sometimes expect happily ever after to be just like the fairy tales we read growing up. You know, really be happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s just not always reality. So, let’s take a moment and really think about it.

Emotionally

Are your friends still your friends, or have you gotten so caught up in the we that you forgot about the me? When was the last time you hung out with your girlfriends or lost track of time on the phone? Most of them were there before you met him so why have you stopped keeping them high on your priority list as well? Keep in mind, if your relationship ends tomorrow, these are the same people that you will need to cry, vent or drink with!

Have you maintained your interests? You know the things you were passionate about. Your dreams, hobbies and career goals. Just because you became a couple does not mean who you are must be completely given up. Do you think men give up all their interests just because of you? Then why do we? Its mostly just something engrained in us from childhood that makes us want to make our lives 100% about someone else. But what ends up happening is that we then start looking at someone else to make us happy and that’s just not their responsibility.

Financially

If only I had a dime for every time a woman stayed with a man simply because she didn’t feel she could survive on her own. Well what if you don’t have a choice? What if he just leaves? Are you going to be ok? If you know you won’t be, do something about it now. Find a supplemental income or change careers if you need to. If things end unexpectedly you do not want to stress about how you will manage on top of being an emotional basket case.

Physically

Why is it when a man leaves, we go through this sudden need to completely revamp ourselves? Suddenly we lose weight, change our hair or our clothing in effort to show him what he’s missing. While that’s all fine and good, why can’t we that now? Don’t be complacent in how you take care of yourself or maintain your confidence, only to have to get it all body slammed later. Whether in a relationship or out, always make sure you are doing the work to maintain your confidence at its highest level. And no, I’m not saying everyone has to lose weight to do that. Some women are happy in the skin they are in. But if that’s not you, let’s put in the work now.

I guess my point is this. If you are suddenly blind sided by a relationship ending. I want you to be prepared and able to dust your self off and tell him to keep stepping. Yes, it will be an emotional roller coaster for you, we have all been there at some point. But make sure you have what it takes to handle your life just find when the dust settles.

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The latest episode of Married at First Sight was a little slow for the series. There were not really any dramatic events or stand out moments. For the most part it was insightful and a nice way to continue to set up the season.

Olivia and Brett

Brett, Brett, Brett. What can I say? He does not disappoint in bad behavior. First, he seemed to have issue with the fact that Olivia makes a lot more money than he does. As well as his objection to the idea that she believes she should enjoy life the way she chooses to with her money. She travels a lot, eats out a lot and tries new things. Apparently, this did not sit well with him. This week’s episode saw him  get quite defensive when asked to rate his marriage on a scale of 1 to 10, then proceed to act like a pouting child to Olivia because he was pushed to answer, not by her, but by the others. So of course, it was her fault. Duh! Then he was apparently also upset that he overheard her rate them at a 7 ½. Not sure what score he expected. Heck I was surprised she rated it that high considering his less than stellar performance thus far. She ended up in tears and he did absolutely nothing to stop her leaving the room or at least try to console her in the moment.

Amelia and Bennett

These two continue to move along quite well. This week mostly shows them continue to try to get to know each other, discuss their childhoods and even flirt a little. Well, in the ways they know how to flirt. 😊 Its rather endearing to watch honestly. They even took the time to build a fort in their room to tell scary stories and sleep in. Of course, Amelia eventually falls asleep during one of his longer dialogues, to which he promptly wakes her up so he can continue. When she falls asleep again, he does at least let her sleep.

Christina and Henry

They are both still very awkward when it comes to attempts to communicate with each other. Honestly, I am starting to wonder if production does not like Christina. It almost appears that they purposely show us when she is acting her worse simply because they have had enough of her. At several points when they attempt to ask her a question, she visibly looks annoyed with them, rolls her eyes or gives a death glare. Not to mention snapping at one of them because they called her Christine instead of Christina. Ouch! Henry better make sure he stays on this girl’s good side! They do manage to do some of the activities and mingle with the others, but at this point there is absolutely zero affection of any kind happening between them. That alone is a little concerning regarding what will happen when they leave paradise and get back to reality.

Amani and Woody

These two. As of now, they are still getting along well. Being incredibly open with each other. Lots of affection and romance. One thing I can say, Woody is definitely putting in the effort to make Amani feel special and important to him. Hopefully, he keeps that up as time goes on, sometimes guys start off that way but then change once they feel they have locked a woman down so to speak. But I have high hopes for them continuing to evolve. One highlight to this week’s episode, was that these two ended up consummating their marriage on the final night of the honeymoon. As a matter of a fact, it seems they are the only ones to do so thus far. And they were just as cute and loving with each other the next morning that it was difficult to watch without smiling in anticipation of what’s to come for them.

Karen and Miles

You know, this is another couple I have high hopes for. I really like both of them, but again this week Karen confuses me with her thought process. Miles felt it was time to be really open with some things that she should know, as his wife. He confided that he has been diagnosed with clinical depression that requires he be on medication. She takes this as him not necessarily being the type of strong man she wanted. The problem I have with that analogy is simple. We have made black men feel they should be hard so much that any sign of emotion is treated as a weakness. Because of that, a lot of them hold a lot in, which is not good for either party in the long run. I admire the fact that he knew he had a problem and he did something about it. He did something to take care of his mental well-being which takes strength sometimes. But this is only the honeymoons, hopefully once they get home and really get to know each other she will see how great they are as a couple.

 

(*Photo Credit: Lifetime.com)

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The Bride And Groom Hold Hands, In The Hands Of A Beautiful Bouq

Back by popular demand, I will start including my reality TV reviews to the blog since they are so popular on the podcast. First up, Married at First Sight. If you are not familiar with the show, a quick google search will get you up to speed. The basic premise involves letting a group of experts choose a spouse for you that you will not meet until you get to the alter. This season is being done in New Orleans and will include some episodes that were filmed in the pandemic. That should be interesting. Imagine being married to a stranger and on top of that having to be quarantined with said stranger!

Since I am adding them to the blog after a couple of episodes have already aired, the couples have already been matched, married and are now on their honeymoons. So, let’s just jump right in, shall we?

Olivia and Brett

My initial impressions of Brett were not favorable, of course it could be editing on the shows part. But he came off as someone who was not going to take this process seriously, likes to date a plethora of women at one time and even did some flirting at his bachelor party. On the honeymoon he does seem to at least be trying to get to know Olivia and spend time with her. So hopefully he proves me wrong in the long run. I doubt it, but here’s hoping. Olivia does admit on this episode that she never really saw herself as a parent, which seems to be a red flag for Brett. He does seem to have a pretty big family so that may prove to be an issue later on.

Amelia and Bennett

Let’s be honest, they are a fan favorite for a lot of people. They have cute, quirky personalities and seem to be a really good fit so far. Initially, I was not sold on the pairing. It felt like they were only being matched because they were a little different from the norm. But so far, they seem to be really getting along and opening up to each other. On tonight’s episode they discuss everything from their childhoods to her potential need to move for work. And I admit it was super cute that they were sharing food and playing board games. Not to mention, his little confession to the producers that he has a crush on his new wife.

Christina and Henry

Lord where do I start? At some point Henry has indicated how shy he is, how he avoids putting himself out there and never really tries anything adventurous. On the other hand, you have Christina who tries everything and really likes to get out there and live life, trying new things, traveling etc. Initially during the wedding, she did irk my nerves with her rude bitchy behavior to everyone, but perhaps she was just super nervous and that was her way of getting through it, who knows. This honeymoon is a disaster for them so far. First, he rarely talks. I really hope all the awkward silences are just productions attempts at drama, I really do. Christina talked him into boat rides, mud baths, sight-seeing and the equivalent of jumping on a trampoline – all of which was out of his comfort zone. He did at least try all of it, but it just seemed awkward and forced between them, especially when everyone else was discussing how much they have learned about each other.

Amani and Woody

This is the first season I have watched where two best friends are doing the experiment together. Woody and Miles are best friends who were both matched and seem to really be doing well. Woody and Armani seem to be really vibing, lots of conversation, affection and quality time including taking platonic showers together. Armani has made it clear she wants to take things slowly as far as sex goes and he is letting her set the pace without trying to push the issue, which I really admire. He does admit sex normally happens pretty quickly in his normal dating, but he is willing to do things differently since now we are talking about his marriage and his wife.

Karen and Miles

Karen and Miles got off to a bit of a rocky start. She inadvertently found out his name in advance and did a little social media stalking as we women sometimes do. Based on his posts and videos she decided he was not her type and almost did not go through with the marriage. Luckily, she took the leap because they look like they might be able to make something out of this. Of course, based on her pass treatment by her ex, (he had a baby with someone else while they were together) she may have some walls up that he will need to knock down. Not to mention, the fact that he is slightly younger than her seems to be an issue she must deal with. Him making jokes about her being a cougar certainly is not helping! But I do have high hopes for them. And honestly, I think it will be super nice to have both his marriage and his best friends work out well so they can have cute double dates, vacations and family get together’s.