There is just something about starting over that can scare the living daylights out of you sometimes. Each and every time a relationship ends I have a tendency of questioning myself and trying to figure out where I went wrong. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? In the end I start to worry that I will never find the right guy. For a brief moment I always question why I keep trying and I debate giving up.
Of course time passes, I meet someone and I decide to try again. The problem is that each and every time that happens there is this split between enjoying what is happening and being afraid of opening up and possibly getting hurt again. One minute I can be sincerely enjoying the experience from getting to know someone to potentially falling in love and all the steps in between.
That fear normally ends up taking over and impacting things to some degree. The problem with letting the fear take up too much of your mind space is that it causes things like insecurities, mistrust and unnecessary arguments. Because you are afraid of being hurt, you have a tendency to put that type of negativity out there. Everything suddenly becomes assumptions of someone doing you wrong eventually. Cheating on you, lying to you or just plain leaving you.
The problem with that type of fear and negative thinking is that you are putting out into the universe the exact opposite of the outcome you really desire. Not to mention the potential chance you take of pushing someone away with all your expectations of things not working out. So here is to taking a chance, opening myself up and letting go of the fear and negative thinking. I may get hurt, I may not. But if I do, I already know I’m perfectly capable of surviving and moving forward. On the other hand, it could just be the best decision I ever made.